Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:March 24th, 2012 11:05 EST

Dude Cuts Off His Hand! He's In Need Of A Helping Hand!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A man in the U.S. deliberately cut off his hand with a kitchen knife, but investigators say it is not clear why.

The unidentified man, who wasn`t the one to call 911, was found with a self-inflicted wound, Sheriff`s Sgt. Shelley Krusbe said.

It wasn`t clear why he cut off his hand or whether alcohol or drugs were involved." DailyMail

Investigators aren`t clear why the man cut off his own hand; I wonder if they simply asked him. Maybe he was in shock or in too much pain to deliver a coherent answer.

We can only speculate what would make a man commit the grisly act of cutting off his hand:

He could be a nut who thought that Oprah Winfrey has taken over his hand and was stealing food from his fridge.

Was he a religious fanatic who was diddling while watching p[o]rn online, and he followed the Biblical injunction: If thine one hand offend thee, cut it off?

Maybe he wanted to qualify for disability insurance, if he didn`t get it for being physically disabled he would surely get it for being mentally disturbed.

I`ll go out on a limb here, and say that drugs might have been involved. (I stole this joke from one of the comments in the Web site.)

This man has issues, as they say, and he really needs a helping hand. There`s no harm in joking about him, but by the same token I hope he gets psychiatric help.

Read more:

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter:

Photo Credit: Wikipedia.Org (Generic Hands)