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Published:June 22nd, 2012 10:27 EST
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Twitter Crashes! Millions Lose Will To Live! Facebook No Substitute!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"The widely popular Twitter website went offline for many users Thursday, prompting a flurry of complaints on rival sites."

AFP

I noticed that Twitter was down yesterday, but it wasn`t more than a blip on my online experience. I use the popular micro-blogging site to provide links to my essays, not to bore my followers with the mundane aspects of my life.

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But some Twitter heads were devastated, they used Facebook and other social media sites to register their existential angst. One poor soul wrote: Twitter is broken, my life is over.

Twitter fanatics don`t have meaningful relationships with members of their families, so they could no longer share with anyone the awesome moments in their lives, like finding a Cheerio that looks like Britney Spears` rear end.

I don`t follow celebs on Twitter, so I`m not going to miss pearls of wisdom like this from Paris Hilton: OMG! I just pooped n a cute little poop fell into da toilet! And it smells just like my perfume! That`s so hot! My poop really dont stink! Dont hate!

If the Twitter outage had lasted more than just a couple of hours we might have had a rash of suicides. Twitter is back online, and everything is right with the world.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Photo Credit: Wikipedia.Org