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Published:June 22nd, 2012 10:27 EST

Twitter Crashes! Millions Lose Will To Live! Facebook No Substitute!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"The widely popular Twitter website went offline for many users Thursday, prompting a flurry of complaints on rival sites."


I noticed that Twitter was down yesterday, but it wasn`t more than a blip on my online experience. I use the popular micro-blogging site to provide links to my essays, not to bore my followers with the mundane aspects of my life.


But some Twitter heads were devastated, they used Facebook and other social media sites to register their existential angst. One poor soul wrote: Twitter is broken, my life is over.

Twitter fanatics don`t have meaningful relationships with members of their families, so they could no longer share with anyone the awesome moments in their lives, like finding a Cheerio that looks like Britney Spears` rear end.

I don`t follow celebs on Twitter, so I`m not going to miss pearls of wisdom like this from Paris Hilton: OMG! I just pooped n a cute little poop fell into da toilet! And it smells just like my perfume! That`s so hot! My poop really dont stink! Dont hate!

If the Twitter outage had lasted more than just a couple of hours we might have had a rash of suicides. Twitter is back online, and everything is right with the world.

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia.Org