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Published:July 27th, 2012 20:51 EST

What Is The Manhattan Monster? Top Ten Possibilities

By Robert Paul Reyes

A hideously grotesque animal carcass found on the eastern bank of Manhattan Island over the weekend has been dubbed the Manhattan Monster " and pundits, scientists and the public have debated if the monstrosity is a dog, rat, pig, or alien creature.



I don`t think we can rule out that the ugly thing is at least part human. Here`s my list of possibilities of what the monster can be:


*Newt Gingrich: Just the name of this rotund politician conjures up an image of a fat and bloated monster. Newt has never recovered from losing out to a magic drawers clad rich dude. If you ask me, that hideous thing looks just as I imagine Newt would if he was found drunk on the beach.


*Snooki`s baby: The pop tart could live with the thing having a tail and a snout, but she was devastated that the creature didn`t have an orange face, so she abandoned her newborn on the beach.


*Rosie O`Donnell: Has anyone seen Rosie since this weekend?


*Oprah Winfry: Before she lathers on her makeup


*Bo the White House dog: Obama skinned Bo and was ready to roast him, when the poor thing ran away and died on the beach.


*Joan Rivers: I`m sorry, I don`t want to insult whatever the hell that bloated monster happens to be.


*The new American Idol judge, the producers want to bring cruelty back, they miss Simon Cowell.


*Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt`s new adopted baby.


*Bristol Palin`s new dance partner on "Dancing with the Stars. "


*The Montauk Monster`s bastard offspring.


Photo Credit: Wikipedia. (Montauk Monster)


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