Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:August 17th, 2012 10:13 EST

Video: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo There is No Hope For Humankind!

By Robert Paul Reyes

After 25 years of watching the Discovery Channel`s "Shark Week", has the week-long shark extravaganza lost its bite? Are you searching for edgier and darker thrills?

There`s a program that will have you checking your drawers every couple of minutes, to see if you have wet yourself from laughing or crying too hard.


Of course it`s on cable TV, the broadcast stations simply can`t compete with the "anything goes" cable and satellite channels.

"Toddlers & Tiaras" is a controversial American reality series that debuted on TLC in 2009. The show follows the world of child beauty pageants, each episode looking closely at three different pageant contestants and their families as the children prepare for their pageant shows."


"Toddlers & Tiaras" is the most abominable show ever created, the toddler beauty queens are exploited and s[e]xualized by their own mothers - it`s kiddie p[o]rn for the masses.

I thought TV has finally sunk as low as it possibly could. I was wrong. "Here comes Honey Boo Boo" is a spinoff of "Toddlers & Tiaras", and it makes the original program look like "Masterpiece Theater." The show is based on the breakout star of "Toddlers & Tiaras", 6-year-old Alana Thompson, known to the universe as Honey Boo Boo Child.

Honey`s shtick is uttering phrases like "a dolla make me holla." These phrases aren`t in the lexicon of a toddler, they were spoon fed to her by her mother. Isn`t it so cute to see a blond pudgy little girl speaking slang that you would normally expect from a caricature of a ghetto black woman?

Boo Boo`s mother makes Dr. Frankenstein look like a social worker, she is willing to s[e]xually exploit her daughter by having her perform in beauty pageants, and she`s also more than eager to have her child depicted as a miniature minstrel performer.

This evil mother makes Honey Boo Boo drink "Go-Go Juice", a nutritious blend of Mountain Dew and Red Bull. This ungodly drink is what makes the little girl bounce off walls and act crazy.

Honey Boo Boo is the last piece of evidence that proves, beyond a doubt, that the End of the World is nigh.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter:

Photo Credit: Wikipedia