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Published:October 4th, 2012 13:15 EST
The Story of Boobs: The Breast Tale Ever Told

The Story of Boobs: The Breast Tale Ever Told

By SOP newswire2


By: Natalia Reagan

Anthropologist, Comedienne and Breast Enthusiast


This is an exert from her upcoming book, T & A along with her video explaining the evolution of breasts, The Story of Boobs:  The Breast Tale Ever Told.


The Story of Boobs: The Breast Tale Ever Told


The Story of Boobs:  The Breast Tale Ever Told is a video that presents the various theories explaining why women have breasts and what their functions are.  Hopefully understanding the various proposed functions of breasts can serve as a reminder that tatas do not define a woman; they are simply part of woman.


The Titillating Truth


            Boobs, boobies, breasts, knockers, fun bags, tatas, chichis, flapdoodles, tits, titties, boulders, cans, guzongas, chesticles, bosoms, dairy pillows, sweater cows, jugs, melons, balloons, baby feeders, devil`s dumplings,  thanks for the mammaries`.  So many fabulous terms to describe our first food source!  From the day you are born, breasts are vital part of your life. Even if you weren`t breast fed, there`s a high probability you nuzzled your wee newborn noggin on nature`s finest pair of pillows.  And with October being breast cancer awareness month, isn`t it worth investigating the origin and evolution of breasts? 


            Aside from being the proud owner of a pair of puppies, I`m also an anthropologist.  Thus my quest for understanding the evolution of human morphology is natural for me. As an actress, I also found the obsession with breasts and their value in Hollywood noteworthy.  The commoditization of cans is obvious everywhere you look.  Breasts are big business in the U.S., from boob jobs to wonder bras to state-of-the-art breast pumps. If you think about it, boobs are associated with two subjects that are the core of human existence:  eating and sex.  So this began my quest to find out why women have these fabulous sweater cows.


Here are summaries of various theories of why human women have enlarged lady lumps:


Theory # 1: Present-day larger breasts evolved to make breastfeeding easier for infants.  As our human ancestors, hominins, evolved, their faces became flatter (less prognathic) making it difficult for babies to reach a flatter breast.  Essentially, the new and improved knocker shape and increased breast size allowed an infant to breast feed with ease.


Theory # 2:  Our ancestors, upright walking hominins, evolved from quadraped Miocene apes to bipeds, meaning they went from walking on all fours to walking on two legs. Once our human ancestors walked upright their reproductive organs were no longer visible, meaning it was tough to tell which females were receptive.  The enlarged breasts, which mature at puberty, are an indicator to the opposite sex that females are able to procreate.


Theory # 3:  The size of breasts can be an indicator of fat reserves thus women with bigger breasts have more reserves to survive times of low resource availability and can be seen as more desirable by potential mates.


Theory # 4:  Breast size and height (high and perky vs. mature pendulous breasts) can be an honest indicator of age and a woman`s residual reproductive value.  Larger breasts, without the use of brassieres, would be considered an accurate indicator of age as they would be more easily subjected to sagging and are therefore preferred to smaller breasts. Though with the rise of Victoria`s Secret and breast lifts, boobs are able to fight gravity and maintain their perkiness longer, so this theory would be better tested in a time and/or a place where brassieres are non-existent.


Theory # 5:  An additional theory about the evolution of boobs is the idea that hominins became bipedal as they waded in water (aquatic ape theory) and that boobs became larger so that infants had something buoyant to hold on to as they moved through the water with their mothers (boobs were nature`s first floaties!).


My Breast Education

            Ok, now that you`ve read these breastacular theories, it`s time you make your own assessment.  What do you think?  Are breasts merely a food source?  A signal of sexual maturity to the opposite sex?  Or are the enlarged breasts in women a result of a few of these theories?  You decide time to make your breast guess.


For more information about these theories go to:



Natalia Reagan is an anthropologist, comedienne, and cartoonist. She has appeared on the TODAY Show, Fox Edge News, and various radio shows weighing in about different scientific subjects, from boobs to butts to pheromones.  Natalia is also a primatologist who worked in rural Panama to conserve the Azuero spider monkey. As an actor she has appeared in My Name is Earl ,   Better off Ted, and Sex Drive.   Natalia`s goal is to meld her two passions and educate people about science using humor.


Natalia Reagan and Judyth Piazza discuss the obsession with breasts