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Published:November 8th, 2012 11:48 EST

Dead Candidates Win In Florida And Alabama! Voters Brain-Dead!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Florida Democrat Earl K. Wood and Alabama Republican Charles Beasley won their respective elections but they will not take office.

Wood died on Oct. 15 from natural causes at age 96, during his campaign for a 12th term as Orange County Tax Collector in Orlando, Fla.


Beasley, 77, died on Oct. 12, possibly due to an aneurysm."


I would argue that a dead office holder is preferable to one who is still alive. A dead politician is unable to engage in any hanky-panky, although is this case it`s extremely unlikely that either Wood or Beasley, had they not died, would have had the ability or the desire to engage in any sexual hijinks.

The candidates who lost to Wood and Beasley are in the wrong profession, if you can`t beat an opponent who doesn`t have a pulse, you need to find another way to make a buck.

How can you even run a campaign against a deceased opponent? Politics is a dirty business, and you can accuse an opponent of every sin under the sun, but there is such a thing as respect for the dead.

What on earth were the voters thinking, what good is a 96-year-old man anyway, dead or alive?

Scott Randolph was selected by the Democratic Party to take Wood`s place, and the governor will appoint a new commissioner to take Beasley`s seat.

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