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Published:November 11th, 2012 16:57 EST

In Praise Of Honey Boo Boo's Sister 'Pumpkin'

By Robert Paul Reyes

Everybody is familiar with Alana Thompson; better known as "Honey Boo Boo Child", but Alana`s sister 12-year-old Lauryn Shannon, "Pumpkin" tends to get lost in the shuffle.

Lauryn doesn`t have a baby with three thumbs like her oldest sister, Jessica "Chickadee" Shannon, and she doesn`t compete in beauty pageants like Honey Boo Boo.


Lauryn is just a normal girl who loves her some sketti, and enjoys eating cheese balls off the floor. Lauryn`s only claim to fame is that she dresses as a pumpkin every Halloween, hence her nickname.

But Lauryn is loved by her sisters Chickadee, Honey Boo Boo, and Chubbs, and by Mama and Sugar Bear.

I hope Lauryn doesn`t feel any pressure to sleep with her cousin in the hopes of giving birth to a baby with a distinctive physical abnormality. Lauryn you are special just the way you are, you don`t need to change anything.

Lauren is the Tito Jackson of her family, but that`s OK there are a thousand and one Titos for every Honey Boo Boo.

Tito can`t dance and he can`t sing, if he weren`t a member of the world-famous Jacksons he`d be delivering mail or emptying garbage cans.

I`m the Tito Jackson of my family, I will never be famous but I`m content living in my little pink house, and writing my pop culture essays. Once in a while I even receive an email praising my work.

I`m good, y`all.

You have to make accommodations with your lot in life, if you are a Pumpkin or a Tito, that`s alright; life has a lot to offer everyone.

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