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Published:December 25th, 2012 11:51 EST

Egghead Professor: Santa's Reindeer Are Really Caribou! Humbug!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A University of Alaska, Fairbanks, biology professor says his research indicates the eight tiny reindeer pulling Santa Claus` sleigh are actually young caribou.


The University of Chicago Press reported Perry Barboza`s study, published online by the Physiological and Biochemical Zoology journal, argues the animals pulling Santa through the air on his Christmas Eve round trip across the globe are caribou rather than the traditionally accepted reindeer."


Can we look forward next year to another dissertation from Professor Egghead arguing that Santa Claus is really a Russian bodybuilder who thanks to his steroids-enhanced physique can perform amazing feats of strength like delivering presents to every child in the world?

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Caribou just doesn`t have the same Christmas ring. Reindeer pull Santa`s sleigh, not caribou or any other animals. Professor Egghead should be forced to consume enough gallons of eggnog until he dances on his tippy toes and cries out that Santa pals around with reindeer, not caribou.

We don`t need any scatter-brained professors ruining Christmas for children from one to ninety-one.

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