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Published:January 4th, 2013 12:06 EST

Two Oompa Loompas Beat Holy Crap Out Of Man

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Investigators in Norwich, England, said the three men and one woman who attacked a 28-year-old man after he left a kebab house around 3:20 a.m. Thursday included two men with their skin painted orange and their hair colored green in the style of the characters from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,` the Norwich Evening News reported Tuesday.


The victim suffered a cut to his right eye, two black eyes, a small cut to the nose and a cut lip, police said."


If I were attacked by a female and two dudes dressed up as Ooompa Loompas, I wouldn`t file a police report even if the little bastards left me clinging to my life.

You can recover from two black eyes, and a cut lip and nose, but how can you possibly look at yourself in the mirror after you were beaten up by a couple of Ooompa Loompas?

I guess if you leave a kebab house at three in the morning, you shouldn`t be too surprised if a couple of Oompa Loompas make mincemeat out of you.

I just can`t believe that an evil Leprechaun didn`t steal this dude`s wallet and tinkle on his shoes.

I hope the video of the ungodly assault was posted on YouTube; it would be nice to see proof that somebody had a worse start to the New Year than I did.

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