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Published:November 30th, 2013 13:51 EST

Drunk: Zombies Scared BeJesus Out Of Me!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"After stealing a newspaper delivery truck from a gas station, an intoxicated Apple Valley man told police that he took it because he was running from zombies, according to criminal charges filed this week.


Garrett Howard Hurlbut, 23, was charged with stealing a motor vehicle on Sept. 29. Just after 1 a.m., according to court documents, Hurlbut stole the Star Tribune delivery truck while its driver was dropping off newspapers inside an Apple Valley Kwik Trip on W. 145th St."

Star Tribune

The arresting police office said the suspect had "bloodshot, watery eyes and a strong odor of alcoholic beverages on his breath." It seems to me that Hurlbut looked, smelled, and acted like a mindless zombie himself.

I wouldn`t say that Hurlbut was suffering from alcohol-induced hallucinations; he may have mistaken Christmas shoppers for soulless zombies.

One thing is dead certain: You`d better be dead-cold sober when confronting soulless Xmas shoppers or brain-dead zombies.

Moral of this story: Avoid drunks driving newspaper delivery trucks, and give Christmas shoppers pushing shopping carts a wide berth.

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