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Published:June 2nd, 2014 15:33 EST

Fat Woman Steals Bible, Cheese and Socks from Walmart!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"In the most American of crimes, a South Carolina woman was arrested Saturday afternoon for stealing a Bible from Walmart.


According to cops, Frances Thomas, 33, was spotted by a store employee placing the Good Book in her purse while she was inside the Spartanburg store. Thomas, seen above, also allegedly pinched some cheese and socks."

The Smoking Gun

I can understand this obese woman stealing cheese, and even socks (when she`s on a diet she probably stuffs her big mouth with socks), but it makes no sense to steal a Bible.

Thomas could have marched her fat ass to any church, and the pastor would have gladly given her a Bible and all the cheese puffs she could eat. If you steal a Bible you are guaranteeing that bad karma will pour down on you.

Moral of this story: Thou shalt not steal, you cheese-eating, Bible-stealing Walmart slob!

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