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Published:July 12th, 2014 11:36 EST

Police Request Residents to Stop Pooping on Trains

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A train that hauls cargo on the Providence and Worcester Railroad was carrying some extra weight after it apparently got pooped on by some Massachusetts residents who felt inclined to go to the bathroom off a bridge.


Employees from P & W Railroad alerted police after they saw four individuals dropping loads off a bridge on Route 122.

`It`s disgusting. It`s not just gross, but it creates a health and safety issue for our employees,` said P & W general counsel Charles Rennick. `It`s hard to wrap your mind around the fact that someone would do that.`"


I can imagine the conversation these four gentlemen had that led them to crapping off a bridge and on top of a train:

Dude 1: We`re out of weed, there`s nothing good on TV, and I`m tired of surfing porn. What are we gonna do?

Dude 2: Let`s volunteer at the soup kitchen!

Dude 1: Good one dude, you got me rolling on the floor laughing, and I ain`t even high!

Dude 3: You wankers are full of crap!

Dude 4: Hey that gives me an idea, let`s crap on a train!

All: That`s freaking genius!

I hope these geniuses are caught and sentenced to a month of community service cleaning public toilets.  

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