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Published:August 5th, 2014 13:56 EST

'God' Steals Raisinets

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A woman who allegedly swiped a bag of Raisinets from a Cumberland Farms store in Florida felt that the candy caper was justified because she is a God.


Nancy Mullis was allegedly seen taking a $2.99 bag of Raisinets and then leaving the store. Once she was outside, the suspect flaunted the stolen property at the store clerk.


Chocolate is a heavenly treat and raisins are Satan`s snack. I can`t think of a more grotesque snack than chocolate covered raisins, except maybe chocolate covered rabbit poop.

Anybody who steals a bag of Raisinets isn`t divine, although I suspect Mullis may be demon-possessed.

The police certainly didn`t think Mullis was God, they charged her with theft.

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