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Published:August 9th, 2014 12:46 EST

Dude Charged with DUI After Driving Tractor with Genitals Exposed!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A Florida man was hit with a charge of driving under the influence after he allegedly was driving a tractor around Vero Beach and "dancing" in the seat.

At some point during the tractor trip, Elias Velez-Morales also allegedly urinated on himself and on his clothes. In a possible effort to dry out, he had his genitals exposed."


In a world where anything is possible, I can imagine myself drunk out of my skull with a lampshade on my head, dancing the Macarena clad only in a thong and a sombrero, and joining a UFO cult.

But I can never imagine myself in this universe, or in any one of an infinite number of parallel universes, driving a tractor with my genitals exposed while under the influence of alcohol.

Elias Velez-Morales has humiliated himself and his family beyond redemption. He should commit hara-kiri, nah he doesn`t deserve to die by ritual suicide. Homeboy should just pay a crack head a couple of dollars to run over him with his tractor.

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