Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:September 14th, 2014 11:21 EST
This is Your Brain; this is Your Brain on Crack, any Questions?

This is Your Brain; this is Your Brain on Crack, any Questions?

By Ron G Anselm

You know, every day we see a lot of stupidity in the world whether it`s driving to work in the morning, at work, or going about our everyday lives. We see it standing in line at the 20 items or less checkout at Wal-Mart and watching the next person in line cut in with a cart that has more items in it than Fred Sanford`s front yard did on the old sitcom, Sanford and Son, I mean The sign say`s 20-items or less, not a cart with half a garage full of stuff that could feed every homeless person for the next year.

At work, we put up with the blonde that sits in the cubicle next to us and as we go to take a break and walk past her cubicle, we look over at her computer screen and notice there is little dots of white out on it. We stop for a second and try to comprehend why in the heck she has dots of white out on her desk top monitor. We get a puzzled look on our face, scratch our head and decide to ask. I mean this is really puzzling and we have never seen anything like this before. So, we ask, Hey, Tiffany...why do you have little white out dots on your computer screen?  She stops for a second, looks into space with a puzzled look on her face and says, OMG!, (Oh my God for short) don`t you know? I`m correcting my mistakes.  We hesitate for a second trying to comprehend what in the world she is thinking look up and walk away without justifying an answer to what she just said. I`m just being dramatic on this one. No I don`t think blondes are dumb just trying to be funny, so you blondes out there please don`t send me nasty E-Mails but...

YOU get the point, we see a lot of comical stupidity out there every day and no I`m not saying I`m perfect either but I do have a ton of common sense and the instinct to know better to do something dumb or not. So...

This next story kinda takes the cake and goes hand in hand when it comes to that old saying from that late 1970s commercial and you probably know the commercial where it showed eggs frying in a frying pan and the catch phrase was, This is your brain; this is your brain on drugs, any questions?  Or, maybe you didn`t ever see this commercial. I mean I grew up in Southern California during the late 1970s and early 1980s where Heavy Metal music filled the airwaves, Malibu Beach parties were a dime a dozen, and the mindset of every teenager was, Dude, its Friday night man. Where`s the Bitchen parties at?  So, these types of commercials were always on television there and we had lots of campaigns out there to try to stop you from using drugs. And no, I never got into drugs just got into going to those Bitchen parties and drinking is really all I did or maybe not.

So, I was recently combing the Internet for funny news articles and this one caught my eye. Let`s just jump right into it...

Artis Ray Gordon, 69 became a little disoriented on Friday night when Maryland State Police responded to a fender bended outside Baltimore and got a little more than they bargained for when they found Ol` Artis sitting behind the wheel of his car, motor still running, and not what you may expect to find at an accident scene where the driver of the car may have his face in the airbag that went off when there was impact made by the car, no police didn`t find that; they found Artis sitting there with his face full of a funny white powdery substance on it which wasn`t just on his face but also on his nose and around his nostrils, around his mouth and chin, on the front of his shirt and the front of his pants," according to charging documents. And on top of that, he appeared to also be drunk (Dang, Artis; looks like you went to town on that Friday Night personal party you and yourself had) Drunk also? I don`t think even Ozzy Osborne ever came out on stage in one of his concerts this buzzed...

To add more drama to this plot, Ol` Artis wasn`t just out touring the inner Harbor in Baltimore on one of his Friday Night party drives, he also thought he was in his hometown of Chicago not Baltimore. He told police he thought he was on his way home in Chicago and became confused when he realized, Dang, I`m lost. Dude, I guess so, Interstate-695 in Baltimore is as far as you get from Chicago and also as you drive around the Baltimore Beltway which goes in a complete circle (it takes about forty five-minutes at 65 Miles Per Hour to make a complete circle on it) you eventually notice you are going in circles as you drive past the same things over and over and over which should eventually click like a light bulb going on over your head and that little inner voice should be telling you, Hmmmm, I don`t recognize these surroundings and I just saw the Baltimore Ravens football stadium or Oriole Park fifty-three times as I drove around and around like a top spinning, maybe there`s a problem here.  (But I guess when your twenty-five sheets to the wind while driving you probably don`t even know you are actually driving but somewhere out there in La La land)

So, as the plot thickens even further that funny white powdery substance that looks like finally granulated white sugar did really test positive for cocaine. Whoops, Artis...You`re Busted!

Artis faces drug, alcohol and traffic charges and is being held without bail. (You Think!)  So...

The moral lesson we learned from Ol` Artis; If you want to eat a bowl of dumba** and go out and party it up while joy riding, maybe you better think twice about hoping behind the wheel of your car and maybe just stay home and drink and party until your hearts content while you`re watching those Barney Miller reruns on Nick at Night. And while you`re at it, look-up those old This is your Brain...  commercials on YouTube (if there are any on YouTube) because... no, drugs are not a good thing and maybe you may learn a thing or two from those old.   This is your brain... commercials but in the case of Ol` Artis, it should be, This is your brain; this is your brain on crack, any questions?  Dude, get a clue!

                                                                           Reference

Driver busted in Maryland with cocaine `trail` thought he was in Chicago, 2014, (http://www.reuters.com/news/oddlyEnough) Retrieved September 2014.

While you also may be searching the Information Superhighway (the Internet) go to my website at (ronanselm.tateauthor.com) and order your copy or copies of my latest release titled, Or Grand Ol` National Past Time " A Brief History of Major League Baseball. " You can also go to my publisher`s website at (www.tatepublishing.com) and order copies of my book. I mean, why not order copies of my book? Instead of going out and whooping it up and partying on a Friday Night like Ol` Artis did you can do something constructive and read about the history and great moments of our National Past Time and have fun while reading about the history and moments of this great game. There is still more left of the 2014 Major League baseball season, so keep in the spirit of baseball and buy and read a copy of my book.