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Published:June 11th, 2015 09:40 EST

Blood-sucking Fish Falling From Sky in Alaska! The End is Nigh!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"The Alaska Department of Fish and Game is warning residents of an unusual phenomenon -- blood-sucking fish falling out of the sky.


The department said in a Facebook post it received four reports in a single week of the toothed fish, identified as lampreys, being found on dry land in the Fairbanks area."


A disaster greater than the Great Alaskan Earthquake of 1964, and the emergence of the Palins has struck the great state: Blood-sucking fish are falling out of the sky.

It`s bad enough when you encounter a blood-sucking fish in a body of water, but when they are falling out of the sky; you know that Armageddon is right around the corner.

Scientists believe clumsy seagulls are likely to blame for the live lampreys found on land, but I`m of the opinion that something more sinister is afoot.

This is Satan`s handiwork, if you visit Alaska tote a heavyweight umbrella and a crucifix around your neck.

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