August 1st, 2015 19:29 EST
Top Ten Punishments for Walter Palmer, the Dentist Who Killed Cecil the Lion
The killing of Cecil the Lion by American dentist Walter Palmer was such a savage and senseless act, that it really taxes the human imagination to come up with a fitting punishment. Here`s some suggestions:
You can buy real human teeth, and even donate extracted teeth. Photographs of Walter Palmer flashing his fake smile while posing with exotic animals he has killed are all over the Internet. Palmer should have his teeth extracted, without benefit of anesthesia, and have them donated to meth heads who have turned over a new leaf.
Palmer should be the main attraction in a criminals vs lions pay-per-view event, with all proceeds going to wildlife conservation. Walter Palmer, Bill Cosby and Hulk Hogan can square off against a pride of hungry lions.
Palmer should work as a zookeeper, clean the wild animal cages, and be forced to enter the lion cages to feed them.
Palmer should fight Ultimate Fighting Champion Ronda Rousey in a death match, the beautiful Rousey will be allowed to wield an axe or a sword, while the wicked dentist will be issued a toothbrush to protect himself.
Palmer should be compelled to undergo gender reassignment surgery, enter a beauty contest, and if he loses be fed to a pack of rabid dogs.
A mini-skirt clad Palmer tied to a bed in a locked room with Bill Cosby. The disgraced comic has Jell-O and plenty of Quaaludes.
A drunk and angry sadist is given permission to perform root canal on the demented dentist.
Lock Palmer in a mental institution and tell the patients that if they kill him and mounts his head on the wall, they will get cotton candy and ice cream for life.
Alas, my heart is much to tender to invent a punishment that truly fits the crime: I implore my readers to email me ideas to complete this Top Ten list.