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Published:March 9th, 2016 12:24 EST

Jerry Springer for President of the United States!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Jerry Springer is prepared to be president of the United States.

The one-time mayor of Cincinnati, who has spent the last 25 years hosting one of the United States` most famous talk shows, said it would be unlikely and even `ludicrous` to consider but that he would serve if a `Draft Jerry` movement gained enough steam.

In his public presence, the longtime ringmaster of the greatest show on daytime TV said he has noticed the similarities between the Republican race and his own program."


Jerry Springer for president of the United States!

That`s not as farfetched as it may seem, if a bombastic blowhard billionaire is leading the race for the Republican presidential nomination, who`s to say that Jerry Springer isn`t qualified?

Springer served as Mayor of Cincinnati in 1977, and survived a prostitution scandal. His indiscretion was discovered when a check that he paid to a massage parlor bounced for insufficient funds. A politician who can survive a dalliance with a whore is scandal-proof.

Springer has the perfect political platform: America loves lesbians! America doesn`t love closeted butch lesbians like Hillary Clinton, but we love us some lipstick lesbians. If Springer selected a hot lesbian actress like Portia de Rossi for his running mate there`s no way in heaven or hell that he could lose.

Even evangelicals would be down with Springer`s lesbian platform, they would condemn him publicly but vote for him in the privacy of the voting booth. I`m not a theologian or a pornographer, but I would venture to guess that evangelicals are the biggest consumers of lesbian porn.

The Republican race for president is already a circus sideshow, the ringleader of the Jerry Springer Show  is eminently qualified to join the show.

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

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