Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:April 15th, 2016 10:40 EST

Hotel Bans Cyclists With Lycra Shorts! Amen!

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A hotel in New Zealand is sick and tired of cyclists with lycra shorts. It has said enough is enough.

The Plough Hotel in the rural town of Rangiora has a sign out the front, specifically targeting those on bicycles who are wearing the tight-fitting, synthetic riding gear and hurting eyes everywhere.

`The bicycle is a beautiful object, but they should have never invented lycra` the sign reads. `No lycra shorts allowed please.`"


I hate Donald Trump with a passion, but if he promised to ban bicyclists from roads in our fair cities I would vote for him, that`s how much I despise bicyclists.

I have a visceral hatred of bicyclists, they don`t belong on the same road with automobiles, they slow traffic down to a snail`s pace. I hate everything about them: Their dorky helmets, their lycra shorts, and their bicycles that don`t afford them any protection from outraged drivers.

A hotel should be a bicycle-free zone, who the hell would want to ride a bike on their vacation? Banning bicycle shorts from hotels is a good first start, they are an affront to God, and an assault to our senses.

Our impressionable children should be shielded from the sight of men and women wearing shorts so tight, that they leave nothing to the imagination.

Most people love Shakespeare`s famous line:The first thing we do, let`s kill all the lawyers! But if Shakespeare were alive today he would probably write: The first thing we do, let`s kill all bicyclists!

Read More:

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter:
Photo Credit: Wikipedia