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Published:August 16th, 2016 09:33 EST

Dear God, Will Cockroaches Take to the Skies in New York City?

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A dreaded urban pest, usually relegated to sewers and garbage heaps, may soon take flight to the skies above.

In cool temperatures, American and German cockroaches prefer to travel by foot " unseen, save for a few unsavory household encounters. But on particularly sweltering days, these insects may emerge from their hiding places and take flight to cool off, a fact that has prompted New Yorkers to share their fears of a locust-like doomsday across social media.

American cockroaches, for example, live primarily in sewer systems, where flying is unnecessary. These common insects are still capable of limited flight, but they generally prefer to stay grounded " it`s difficult for them to engage flight muscles in cold conditions. But as temperatures rise, they can activate these muscles more easily."

Christian Science Monitor

When I was a young man I lived in some sketchy apartment buildings where cockroaches were a constant menace. Nothing instills fear and loathing in an apartment dweller`s heart like the sight of a cockroach skittering across his kitchen floor.

I remember one night in particular when I woke up in the middle of the night to raid the fridge, when I opened the fridge I discovered that cockroaches had somehow found a way to get in and they were feasting on my leftovers. I ran out of my apartment clad only in my drawers and screaming like a schoolgirl.

If the sight of a cockroach crawling can induce a grown-ass man to tremble like a child, imagine what will happen if cockroaches take to the sky in New York City.

Mass panic will ensue, the National Guard will have to be activated to restore order in the Big Apple. If I saw cockroaches flying in the sky in my neck of the woods, I would take the cowards way out and kill myself.

Sweet holy Jesus, have mercy on Gotham!

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