September 4th, 2016 17:24 EST
Hillary Clinton's Top Ten Debate Demands
"This year`s three presidential debates will be moderated by NBC`s Lester Holt, CNN`s Anderson Cooper and ABC`s Martha Raddatz, and Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace.
The vice presidential debate moderator is Elaine Quijano of CBS News.
Holt, the anchor of the NBC Nightly News, will lead the first debate, which is set to take place at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York, on September 26."
The Commission on Presidential Debates, a bipartisan committee has selected the moderators, but behind the scenes there are many details that have yet to be negotiated between the two campaigns and the Commission.
Here is a list of demands that I imagine the Hillary Clinton campaign will make:
Non-negotiable demand: The candidates must be sitting on stools, not standing up before lecterns.
A Squatty Potty stool for her Royal Highness, to prevent any embarrassingly long bathroom breaks.
The network must break away immediately for a commercial if Hillary becomes momentarily transfixed by the lights or if she suffers any psychotic episode or seizure.
The cameras must not, under any circumstances, film her as she negotiates the stairs to the stage.
The moderator must make at least one reference to Donald Trump`s diminutive hands.
If Hillary suffers digestive issues and she passes wind, the moderator must make a stinky face and look at Trump as if he was the culprit.
The debate cannot be broadcast in HD, lest the viewing audience notice her wrinkled countenance.
There must be a moment of silence before the debate in memory of Gene Wilder, so that the audience will be subliminally reminded that Trump has a striking resemblance to an Oompa Loompa.
The audience must be at least 60 percent lesbian/feminist.
If Hillary suffers one of her coughing fits the moderator must blame it on Trump farting his fool head off.
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