Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:September 22nd, 2016 12:20 EST

Death to all Clowns

By Robert Paul Reyes

"A concerned citizen called police Wednesday when a clown was spotted walking down the Ravenel Bridge in full costume.

According to Mt. Pleasant police, the caller was worried the clown was armed.

Police shut down the far right lane to investigate and found the clown who turned out not to be up to any funny business.

He was also carrying an umbrella -- not a gun -- something the 911 caller figured out on a second pass of the clown.

ABC News

If you`ve turned on the TV news or picked up a newspaper recently you know that clowns have been terrorizing America.

The concerned citizen was right to call the police when he spotted a clown walking down a bridge. Never mind that the clown was holding an umbrella and not a rifle, clowns must not be allowed to appear in public with impunity.

If I spot a clown brandishing a clown gun that releases a sign saying "bang" when the trigger is pulled, I will take matters into my own hand and beat the holy hell out of him. Clowns pose an existential threat to America, and we must have zero tolerance for these freaks.

A clown taking a stroll in broad daylight is a sign that we are living in the End Times. I hope that citizens tar and feather this clown, and warn him that they will boil him alive if he comes back.

Now about that orange clown running for President of the United States ...

Read More: