January 4th, 2017 11:06 EST
Mariah Carey New Year's Eve Debacle! Top Ten Conspiracy Theories
Mariah Carey blamed a conspiracy by Dick Clark Productions for her disastrous New Year`s Eve performance, others have blamed Ryan Seacrest.
Who is really to blame? A congressional committee should investigate this matter, but until they arrive at a definitive conclusion, here`s my top ten conspiracy theories:
Ronda Rousey Theory
Ronda Rousey sabotaged Mariah`s earpiece in a desperate attempt to deflect attention away from her crushing loss to Amanda Nunes.
Grassy Knoll Theory
Sarah Palin gave Mariah the evil eye from a grassy knoll in Alaska, the eagle-eyed former beauty queen blames the diva for America`s moral decline.
A 400-pound hacker who`s into death metal went ballistic when Mariah started to croon "Emotions" and hacked the ABC feed from his bedroom in his parents` basement.
North Korea Theory
The North Koreans are expert hackers as they have already proved by hacking Sony Studios. Kim Jong-un ordered his military to hack the ABC broadcast, it was either that or target Times Square with a nuclear-tipped missile.
There is as much evidence pointing to Russian involvement in the Mariah debacle, as there is evidence proving that they hacked the DNC. So why the hell not blame Putin?
Donald Trump Theory
Trump is responsible for this dastardly deed, he will never forgive Mariah for laughing at him when he failed to grab her pussy with his little hand.
Mariah Carey Theory
Mariah`s earpiece malfunction was an elaborate plot by the diva to generate publicity for her upcoming reality show.
Joe Biden Theory
An act of petulance by the outgoing vice-president, he was frustrated that he had no major accomplishments after eight years serving as Obama`s sidekick.
Fake News Theory
That wasn`t Mariah, it was a drag queen celebrity impersonator! It was fake news manufactured by the network to spike ratings.
Shi* happens! Period! End of story!
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