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Published:October 17th, 2017 17:34 EST

Why is God Always Destroying Trailer Parks?

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Fire officials in Arizona say a man who was attempting to burn spiders under his mobile home sparked a fire on Sunday night.


Tucson fire responded to a report of smoke and flames coming from a mobile home where a man had been using a propane torch to clear spider webs from underneath his property."


Trailer parks have a propensity for being destroyed by acts of God, be it a tornado, hurricane or wildfire.

If I was commissioned to update the Old Testament for modern sensibilities, Sodom and Gomorrah would be the name of a trailer park in Alabama. The denizens of the trailer park would be smitten by the Almighty not for wanting to rape angelic visitors but for forcing visitors to watch Jerry Springer, drink moonshine and twerk to country rap.

Fire insurance, it it`s available at all, most be astronomically high for residents of trailer parks. If a fat hillbilly leans against his mobile home he`s likely to knock it off its foundation, and if his home isn`t destroyed by a wildfire it`s burned to the ground when his meth lab blows up.

An Arizona redneck attempting to burn spiders under his mobile home set it on fire.

If you`re a redneck and your mobile home is infested with spiders:

Chill out.

Put down the jug of moonshine.

Consider that using a propane torch to kill spiders under your mobile home will certainly incinerate the harmless spiders, but you also risk burning your teenage niece/wife, and your cassette tape collection of redneck country classics.

It took 23 firefighters to extinguish the blaze, that redneck must`ve had an extensive collection of countrified porno mags.

Moral of this tale: Don`t take any shortcuts through a trailer park, you might be caught in an inferno and wake up in hell.

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