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Published:October 6th, 2018 10:23 EST
butt

I Hate Big Butts and I Cannot Lie

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Oh, my, god, Becky, look at her butt. It is so big. She looks like one of those rap guys` girlfriends. Who understands those rap guys? They only talk to her, because she looks like a total prostitute, okay? I mean, her butt, it`s just so big. Ugh, I can`t believe it`s just so round, it`s like out there, I mean, ugh, gross. Look! She`s just so black!"

butt

Baby Got Back

In 1992 when the prescient prophet Sir Mix-a-Lot released "Baby Got Back" with the immortal lyrics "I like big butts, and I cannot lie" black mean fantasized about Shamika and her healthy big butt, while non-black men salivated over Becky and her perky little butt.

Three decades later white men sing non-ironically "Baby Got Back" dreaming about Becky and her Botox-enhanced huge derriere.

A few decades ago most men considered a huge rear end aesthetically and sexually revolting, but now they are urging their women to get a butt implant.

Asian women are buttocks-challenged, but the other day I saw a photo of an Asian model with a huge rump, and I said to myself, "Holy crap, big bottoms have taken over the world.

Kim Kardashian has weaponized and monetized her huge tush to the point where it can move millions in product and break the damn Internet.

Call me unimpressed, I`m down with circa 1990 Becky, big butts are gross. You can set a table for two on Cardi B`s tremendous backside, but I wouldn`t want to touch her fanny with a ten-foot pole. Sarah Jessica Parker may resemble a horse but I`ll take her and her perky little butt over Amber Rose and her grotesquely large posterior any day of the week.

I pray that before I die sanity will be restored and the likes of Kim Kardashian and her butt will only be seen in circus sideshows and niche porno films.

I hate big butts, and I cannot lie!

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia

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