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Published:August 8th, 2008 16:09 EST
Obama Promises to Help Fight Russians in Georgia

Obama Promises to Help Fight Russians in Georgia

By John Lillpop

Who said that Barack Obama is aloof and insufficiently informed to participate as a leader in world emergencies?

Even as he is laying (lying?) on the beach at Kailua Beach Park in Hawaii, Obama is showing off his considerable crisis management skills. With his wireless laptop at his side, Obama is prepared to shift immediately into "presidential" mode should events and media cameras warrant.

Between Mai Tai cocktails and poi sandwiches, The Anointed One refreshes his browser every twenty minutes and catches the latest breaking news from the Democrat Party`s all-news station, AKA CNN.

Example of how closely the candidate tracks world affairs: Obama has just heard about the invasion of Georgia by Russian troops. Intent on showing his mettle as the next commander-in-chief, Obama shoots off the following urgent, encrypted message to Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue:

Governor Sonny Perdue
203 State Capitol
Atlanta, GA 30334

Yo! Sonny:

I have just received word about the invasion of the great state of Georgia by the Russians.

Governor, please know that Michelle and I stand with you and the people of Georgia in this moment of crisis. Although you are a Republican white Christian, we are willing to do whatever we can to help.

My hope is that you and the Georgian people will be able to hold out until January 20, 2009. Mark that day on your calendar, Sonny, and expect a call from the White House around 4 PM that afternoon.

Allah willing, that call will be from me, Barack Hussein Obama, bringing forth a plan for negotiating with Vladimir Putin for a mutually acceptable compromise for the future of your beautiful state.

Michelle has already come up with an excellent idea: America gives the Russians Cuba in exchange for the withdrawal of all Russian troops from Georgia!

How does that sound for a win-win, Sonny?

Well, got to run as there are seven untouched Mai-Tai cocktails and six hula dancers beckoning unto me.

Mahalo and aloha from the cocktail lounge bar at Kailua Beach.

Talk to you on January 20, 2009 from the White House.

Wishing you four fully inflated tires,

Barack Hussein Obama
Presumptive 44th President of the United States
Kailua Beach Park, Hawaii