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Published:September 18th, 2007 05:28 EST
Me! My Icon

Me! My Icon

By Raisa Ladji

Like always, she was late, rushing with her clothes to the bathroom door and back. It was already quarter past seven and she was to report at her work venue by eight. Being located in the remoter part of the city, it would take her at least an hour to reach her venue.

Mom, why can`t we have a bigger house or more bathrooms? How long will Brad take? " she grumbled.

You could`ve got up early, now stop complaining, Tavishi ", Mother retorted. Rushing through her chore, she barged towards the station, not without glancing in the mirror and ughh " was the only word she managed to utter. She was the teen of today, good looking yet hated every bit of her looks, life only meant a row of parties and men were only good for laying. How she hated wearing those "May I help you` T-shirts, but volunteering at events was the easiest way to earn some quick bucks to cope with her ever-increasing expenditure, which helped her maintain her "cool` status. Although she was given a moderate allowance, her demands were skyrocketing with each passing day and so she decided to earn herself, means didn`t matter.

She had just managed to reach her "dream` venue on time, dream? Because it meant she was finally going to get glimpse of her icon ", Shania Tanna.

A fellow partner exclaimed, Tash (she had rechristened her name to fit the "cool` bill), your icon, Shania Tanna, she is also going to be here! "

Ah! There she is, " she said, gawking at a scantily dressed, skinny woman. She was so much in love with the "ritzy` life; her own life seemed more than trash.

Her eyes glued to the model, every time Shania fluttered an eyelash, her heart skipped a beat or two.

She loved the glitter, the aura, the craze of her "icon`s` fans. In short, she loved Shania`s life. She wanted everything she didn`t have, the fame, the money, the beauty, the glitz and luster of that life, at least it looked good, she wanted to be game to it.

She groaned and grumbled, but within. Why are some people so perfect? Is God partial?

She hated being herself. She hated God for making her Tavishi.

Standing through the day, she was drained out completely, but there was a silent vim cultivating within, every time she thought of Shania, a feeling of being a loser gripped her.

After a tiring day, her face wore a gaunt look, which bothered her hypochondriac father, who followed her in and out with medicines and boosters, I can take care of myself, Dad? Am I a kid? " she hollered.
How she hated this feeling of being over-protected.

GOD why only me? " she almost cried.

And then, the thought of her boyfriend haunted her...

Why did Ron leave me? Was it because of the pimples or ma weight or because he found a better girl?

She was used to this, grumbling and complaining, she would do everything in her power to live a better life.

I wish I could be Shania or even half of the life she was living, I would ask for nothing more.

It was time to confront GOD. The one question she wanted to ask, WHY ME?

She hurried to her bed; she was going to speak to God.

God, why am I not like all the other girls, why do I have to work so hard for a meager pocket money? Why can`t I have a life like Shania Tanna?? She is so beautiful, and eeugh! Look at me, she has all the money and fame in the world, her boyfriend doesn`t jilt her, even if he does, she has a thousand men thronging her, wagging their tongues, and her parents don`t force or restrict her. Am I not grown enough to take care of my health? I don`t want nothing from you Lord, just get me out of this rut, I want to have a better life, a life I look up to, Shania Tanna`s ", she harangued, almost trying to vilify The Almighty. She cried through the night, hoping things would change from the very next day.

Her so called "life` flashed across her like the demon celebrating victory, only solace out of this was to think of the life her icon was leading.

It was morning, had the night been longer, she would have been marred to death. It was a lazy day, and before she could even think of her schedule, mom called, Tavishi, how long are you going to sit at home, why don`t you attend your college? "

"S**t, it started again ", mom, can you just stop this?? She retorted angrily.

Tash, had anticipated things to change, I am so sure things are changing, changing for worse ". She said, jumping on the couch, trying to recollect her conversation with God.

Something in the newspaper, lying on the table, caught her attention. It was Shania Tanna`s picture on the first page!

After some silent reading, she sat, hands folded and looked up to GOD, and tears didn`t want to stop.

She ran to the kitchen and hugged her mom tight; she wailed and leapt on her mother`s bosom. Mom, thank-you for making me who I am, I always want to be ME! " she cried.

Whatever be the reason, her mom knew, her daughter was back, better late than never.

Something had changed her life, Shania Tanna had committed suicide!

Reason? She wasn`t happy with her life, her life? A life where her boyfriend ditched her, her health kept deteriorating because of all the supplements she took to stay beautiful, men only wanted to lay her, she couldn`t bear being alone, she missed her parents who would protect her, she missed someone who would care for her, she hated the fake life. She could take it no more.

And God granted Tavishi her wish, her wish to change her life; she was going to live life her way, for better.

Her icon had changed, she was Tavishi now, and no one in the world could play her role better than her, SHE WAS HER OWN ICON!


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