February 3rd, 2009 11:48 EST
CHANGE Comes to the Art of Tax Evasion!
So, you just ran your 2008 numbers through Turbo-Tax and discovered a brutal truth: There is a huge gap between what you owe in taxes and what you have available to send Timothy Gaithner at Treasury.
Put simply, you will need a bail out in order to send money to the bozos in Washington, D.C. who will, in turn, use YOUR money to bail out crooks on Wall Street.
Bernie Madoff was handcuffed and arrested for that sort of Ponzi scheme, but when President Obama proposes it, millions of heavenly angels fill the skies over Washington, D.C. and celebrate the young president`s economic genius by singing several verses of "Yes We Can!" in Holy reverence.
However, you are not President Obama, and unless you can sell a slick Ponzi scheme to family members and soon- to- be ex-friends between now and April 15, you will need a new strategy for dealing with taxes.
Relax, there is a solution that has been tested and proven by some of the brightest minds in the Obama cabinet. The solution in a nutshell:
Eliminate from your return the amount of income needed to bring you even with IRS or to even turn a profit.
File your "revised" return and then just wait for the IRS to send you several thousand dollars for that big vacation you promised the family.
In the unlikely event that President Obama decides to offer you an important job in his cabinet, reveal your "dirty little secret" just before your confirmation hearing is scheduled to start.
Using the most somber and sheepish expression in your mea culpa arsenal, apologize profusely for your unintentional error during your confirmation.
Apologize again, and again, and again, until C-Span runs out of videotape, or until your lying vocal cords give out, whichever comes first.
Because of the urgency of your new job, Democrats, including the president, will rally to your defense and demand that the Senate overlook your "innocent mistake" and confirm you immediately so that you can begin work on saving the American Dream this afternoon.
That, my brother, is the CHANGE that Barack Obama has brought to the manner by which Americans pay (Not!) taxes in the new age!