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Published:April 24th, 2010 10:50 EST

The War To End All Wars: South Park vs. Scientology

By R.J. Smith

 

The battle of the century is upon us.  In one corner, we have Scientology and its massive celebrity following being led by a wild eyed Tom Cruise.  In the other corner, we have Tre, Matt, Stan, Cartman, and Kyle.  Not since the famed Jay Z and Nas debacle have we seen such cultural heavyweights face off in mortal combat.  This could turn out to be the most entertaining slugfest of the year. 


It began with the Colorado natives poking a bit of fun at L. Ron Hubbard`s made-up religion.  As it turned out, Isaac Hayes, the voice of the popular Chef " character on the whacky cartoon, happens to be a Scientologist himself.  Last week he announced he wanted out " because he just discovered that the show makes fun of certain religious sects.  Apparently, he was the only one in the world who didn`t realize this.

As we, all know Tre and Matt are not ones to leave well enough alone.  They quickly slapped together the opener for the 10th season entitled Return of the Chef ", which spliced the popular characters lines from previous episodes, putting words in his mouth like "How about I meet you guys after work and we make love . . . come on children, you`re my sexual fantasy, let`s all make sweet love." 

In the episode, the kids save Chef from an evil Super Adventure Club " and bring him back to South Park.  It was clear to anyone watching what they meant by the episode.  Then, they have declared war on the whacky religion.

"So, Scientology, you may have won this battle, but the million-year war for Earth has just begun!" the `South Park` creators were quoted as saying recently, "You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail!".  It is now on like Donkey Kong.

It is almost fun to wonder how this all will end.  Will Tom Cruise kill Kenny?  Alternatively, will he be forced to respect Eric Cartman`s authoriti?  Is John Travolta planning a retaliatory offensive on Big gay Al`s Big Gay Animal Refuge?  Where does Mr. Henky fit into all this?

Only one thing is for sure.  The real winners here will be the public.  Before the final bell has sounded we will all have cried tears of hysterical laughter.