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Published:August 23rd, 2010 11:39 EST
Next Big Terror Extravaganza

Next Big Terror Extravaganza

By R.J. Smith

Break out the bat signal, word is that Osama is planning a new publicity stunt.  Or, depending on whom you talk to about it, it could be the US government plotting which big thing to blow up next.  Personally, I think Hollywood has something to do with it.  (Damn you, Kevin Bacon, I`m on to you!)  The only thing the conspiracy theorists and government apologists can agree upon is that something big is bound to happen soon.  That and the fact that only a fool would eat a steak without A-1.

What is sad is the fact that it is in no ones best interest to do anything to stop it.  An attack would only serve to further the cause of the Bush Administration in their quest for infinite power in the galaxy while at the same time giving fat chumps like Michael Moore another million dollar movie topic to help fill his fat man fridge with Twinkies.  Osama will once again be loved by little Muslim kids all over the world and Hollywood will make a sequel to their latest crap fest and rake in a nice sized chunk of change on the good name of Nic Cage.  Also, as we all know, anytime anything happens anywhere the oil companies raise the gas prices through the roof.  Hell, it might even give old Fred Durst a chance to rise from obscurity once again to ask us What`s going on? "

The sad truth is this; the bigger the tragedy, the bigger the profit.  The more people that die, the more people that will make money.  Far too much is riding on this for it to be half assed.  The next attack will literally be worth billions.  It is coming, just out of sight, creeping over the horizon on that other side of the hill.  A lot of money has been spent in the past five years, enough to get people use to living good.  Now that well is running dry and there is only one way to fill it again.  Blow up a whole lot of innocent people and sell those cheap little American flags to idiots everywhere so they can show their neighbors how patriotic they are by planting it on their front lawn and behind their windows for all to see.

Of course I can`t prove any of this, but what fun would it be if I could?  By the end of this year I believe something big is going to happen.  A lot of people are going to die.  There is nothing that is going to be done to try to stop it because frankly, there is too much money at stake.  Nothing has changed since 2001, all the same players are still running the game, sans Saddam, the first round loser, whom I don`t believe had an inkling of a clue in the first place the size of the stick he was about to get rammed up his butt.  Of course Israel will blame Hezbollah, as is their custom, and Bush will decide he is a cowboy and give the order to take them out.  All hell will break loose and, at least for those in control of the situation, money will fall from the sky like the three pointers that Reggie Miller use to rain down upon the Knicks.

But hey, maybe I`m wrong and it will be all happy fun candy land this Christmas.  Maybe the people of this world will finally see the error of their ways and decide to instead work together to feed the poor kids some nice turkey on Christmas Eve and help to make sure the Transformer movie is decent.

Yeah, and maybe Rudolph the red nosed reindeer will fly out of my butt.  Stranger things have happened.