February 5th, 2007 05:11 EST
Ahmadinejad to Make Dramatic Announcement on Feb.11
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is making headlines again, this time by promising a dramatic announcement on February 11. It is being reported that Ahmadinejad plans to announce, once and for all, that Iran has a right to nuclear energy.
Officials at the State Department and Pentagon are working at a frantic pace to determine what Ahmadinejad is up to, so that an adequate U.S. response can be formulated.
Speculation is all over the park; however, those in the know are suggesting that Ahmadinejad will announce one or more of the following initiatives:
* A Holocaust museum is to be built in Tehran. Ahmadinejad needs six million Jews to volunteer as "victims" for the true to death museum exhibits.
* Iran's missing imam has been found in a well in New Orleans, Louisiana. Apparently, the imam fell into the well on September 2, 2005, and is just now being rescued by FEMA.
* The Democratic National Committee is opening a branch office in Bam, Iran. Democrat Keith Ellison will present the official "Ax to the City" to Howard Dean in a ceremony that will feature decapitation of three vagabond Jews found stowing away in a Tehran Starbucks.
* A casting call has been issued for the male lead in a new movie that will recreate the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. The successful applicant will be an infidel from a southern U.S. state, with poor English skills, dyslexia, unable to pronounce the word nuclear, and with an acknowledged weakness for criminals from Mexico.
* American Mike Tyson has been appointed to serve as Iran's official State Executioner, Stoning Division. Tyson will oversee cases involving women who have been raped and are to be stoned to death for tempting their rapists into un-Allah behavior.
* Pope Benedict XVI has accepted an invitation to serve as the guest of honor at Iran's first annual SoccerFest in July. Final language is being drafted for a half-time announcement in which the Pope will publicly declare his personal conversion to Islam, and his rejection of all that "Christian bunk."
* Allah has delivered a "miracle cure" for AIDS to Iranian scientists. This miracle drug has no side effects when administered to a Muslim brother or sister. However, infidels ingesting the medicine will immediately suffer an agonizing and painful death which, according to the Koran, is the fulfillment of promises made by the holy Prophet Mohammed.
* Because of that evil doer, G.W Bush, Muslim martyrs are being delivered to Islamic heaven at a record pace. As a result, the supply of virgins is dangerously low, and the number of virgins gifted to arriving martyrs must be reduced from 72 to 36. This is a temporary measure until Allah smites that evil infidel from Texas.
* February 11 marks the official start of the 8th century in Iran.
Happy New Century to all of those innocent people enslaved in Iran--may Allah have mercy on your souls and deliver you from evil!