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Published:May 5th, 2008 01:52 EST
Dude Tries To Cash $360 Billon Check

Dude Tries To Cash $360 Billon Check

By Robert Paul Reyes

Personal checks should be abolished, who uses them anyway but scam artists and the elderly? Almost every time I'm at the check-out stand at the supermarket, I get stuck behind a sweet old lady who still uses checks for everyday transactions. Invariably, she waits until her last useless item has been scanned before fumbling around in her purse for her checkbook. Bless her soul, her arthritis doesn't prevent her from filling out the check, even if it does take her five minutes. The clerk will then ask for her driver's license and it will take her a few more minutes to find it. When it's my turn, I pay for my handful of items with my ATM card, in a few seconds. I pray that the old hag isn't still in the parking lot; I may not be able to resist the temptation to flip her the bird.

Now here's a story about a bunco artist with big dreams:

"Charles Ray Fuller must have been planning one big record company.

The 21-year-old North Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business, authorities said."

Quotation from the Associated Press

The recording industry probably doesn't net $100 billion a year; CD's are almost as obsolete as personal checks. A $360 billion check will give you the means to buy every major record label.

When Fuller was arrested for forgery, he told the cops that his girlfriend's mother gave him the check. No mother of any girl who I ever dated gave me the time of day, let alone two coins that I could rub together. When you try to pass a check for such a crazy amount, you'd better come up with a more plausible explanation.

It doesn't take a lot of intelligence to pass a bum check, Fuller may have gotten away with it if he had left off a few zeros. Why on earth did he make out a check for such an astronomical sum? The answer is found in the Associated Press article:

"In addition to forgery, Fuller was charged with unlawfully carrying a weapon and possessing marijuana."

Fuller contemplating how to carry out his crime:

Yo, should I make out this bum check for $360 or $1,360?

Seven joints later:

You gotta think big, I'm gonna write this sucker for $360 billion, I'll be able to buy all Doritos and Ding Dongs at the grocery store. And there better not be no old hag with a personal check ahead of me at the check-out stand.