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Published:June 1st, 2008 15:07 EST

Honor Among Friends?

By Sean Stubblefield

It is indeed possible for men and women, men and men, women and women to be innocently and nonsexually intimate. Same genders and mixed genders can be close friends without a sexual component and without sexual motivations. Yes, even heterosexual men and women. Imagine that!

American society has peculiarly perverted and juvenile notions about sex and sexuality. They don`t trust each other with each other. Apparently, in their demented thinking, men and women can`t desire or enjoy each other`s company unless there are sexual motives. How sad, that they approach life with such a malignant and ignorant conception about relationships. How sad that honor and integrity have been so absent in their lives. They are inordinately biasing their experience negatively, cutting themselves off from healthy and mature relationships.

Such an emotionally stunted reaction derives from a grievous absence of and unfamiliarity with integrity and honor. If these two elements were present, then people would have the courage, will power and dignity to respect the other as an individual and restrain from regarding them as mere sex objects.

Inevitably, they become paranoid and suspicious of intentions if their mate wants to spend time with someone of the opposite gender (who are not gay). Not only do these maladroit misanthropes distrust their mates, they distrust whomever their mates are associating with. Which means they distrust humanity as a whole. They seem incapable of conceiving of male female relationships that are not sexualized. They demonstrate a disturbing lack of imagination, and maturity.

If not suspicious of their mate, then of the person their mate wants to commiserate with. As if the only reason men and women could have for being in a non-professional relationship together is sexual. Nevermind the fact that relationships can have a sexual and physical component without there actually being any actual physical sex!

Irrationally, they feel threatened and become possessive and selfish... unable or unwilling to share their mate with others. But this is not love, this is control and domination. They are insecure about their self, their mate, and their relationship. Somehow, honest, forthright relationship frightens and confuses them.

If you are that insecure and untrusting in your relationship, then you should not be together. Jealousy is indicative of lacking trust, and thus a lack of genuine love. Clearly, if you cannot trust your mate to not cheat on you-- either due to your own deficiency or theirs, then you are not ready for a mature relationship.

THIS is the hallmark of a truly adult relationship... not sex.

If you can trust your mate to decline and reject sexual advances from others of the opposite gender-- if that happens, then you have no good reason to distrust your mate or be jealous. If they have the integrity and self-esteem to dismiss others sexually, they`ve done and are doing nothing inappropriate or dishonorable. They have committed no offense against you. What is the harm if they hang out with someone of the opposite sex who is or might be sexually interested in them? And just because someone is sexually interested in someone else, doesn`t automatically mean they will act or want to act on that interest. Maybe they have sufficient self respect and self-restraint to ignore such urges or curiosities. Like me. I would have hoped that it goes without saying that not all guys are the same, just as not all girls are the same. But apparently that isn`t the case. People should be embarrassed to believe and perpetuate this nonsense. It is foolish, dangerous and unjust to make stereotyped blanket statements.

Not all men-- heterosexual or not-- are obsessed with sex. Not all women are "damsels in distress".

During my life, I have and have had many girl friends (straight, gay and bi), some even who I deemed sexually attractive-- and yet I did not wish or seek to have sex with them. Maybe that makes me weird and exceptional, but it doesn`t mean I am gay, or defective. I simply have the integrity and honor to respect them and our friendship, and respect myself enough to raise myself above base inclinations.

Which is greatly more important and meaningful than sex.

But why should that idea be so shocking or hard to believe?

I did not befriend them in the potential hope of possibly having a sexual relationship. I am their friend because I liked them as individuals, not because they were female.

The mainstream speaks of being "just friends" as an insult, as a lesser rank of relationship on some imagined hierarchy. But it is not less, only different. And there are as many types and variations of friendship as there are people to form them.

I once had the good fortune and pleasure to sit beside Emily, a charmingly precocious 5 year old girl who became my companion on an airplane. For the entire two hour flight, we played together, in which she enthusiastically treated me-- a stranger, and 30 years her elder-- as her big brother, best friend and boyfriend. I was impressed and enamored by her engagement, her openness and her vitality.

An extraordinary and significant experience for me. She also invited the Indian girl of a similar age sitting behind me to join our play. Emily and I instantly bonded; she immediately trusted me implicitly and completely-- without guile or suspicion.

It was quite a refreshing and invigorating phenomenon.

This exemplifies not only the innate egalitarianism and vigor of children, but my point that male and female can relate to and connect with each other innocently and non-sexually (at least not sexually in the physical sense). It also throws out the window, assumptions about vastly divergent ages not mixing.

Despite her being a beautiful and stimulating girl, not once did I desire to have sex with her or her mother-- who is also pretty and seemed nice.