August 4th, 2008 12:00 EST
Top Ten Ways To Keep The Montauk Monster Hype Alive
The Montauk Monster has taken over the Internet, google "Montauk Monster" and you will get over 100,000 hits. Most of these Internet sensations have a short shelf life, but I offer a few ways to extend the hype:
*Make a Montauk Monster movie, not as a horror flick but as a comedy. "If you liked `Weekend at Bernie`s you`ll love `Weekend At the Montauk Monster`s Beach Pad.`"
*Auction off a date with the Montauk Monster. It hasn`t been determined if the Montauk Monster is male or female, but if Lindsay Lohan wins she will be happy with either outcome.
*Give the Montauk Monster his own reality show, it will be a breathe of fresh air. He`s not a has been nobody like most reality stars, he`s a happenin` now pimp.
*Have Oprah Winfrey interview the Montauk Monster. It may be disconcerting trying to tell them apart, but if will be "Must See TV."
*Have the Montauk Monster flash its nether regions to the press. If America survived Britney Spears` bald vagina, we can survive anything.
*Have a brilliant writer (myself) ghostwrite the Montauk Monster`s memoirs: Dead and Loving It!
*Release the Montauk Monster/Loch Ness Monster sex tape on the Internet.
*Send the Montauk Monster to a celebrity rehab center. He won`t have credibility as a real celeb unless he does time in rehab.
*The Montauk Monster cologne: It will knock the ladies dead!
*Have a blogger churn out a new Montauk Monster article every day