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Published:August 22nd, 2008 10:31 EST
It Turns Out Bigfoot Was a Rubber Suit Filled With Road Kill

It Turns Out Bigfoot Was a Rubber Suit Filled With Road Kill

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Two Georgia men who claimed to possess the body of a slain Sasquatch said the mythical beast was actually a Bigfoot costume filled with road kill."


Anyone surprised that this was all an elaborate hoax, might also be shocked to learn the following cruel facts of life:

*The Mall Santa Claus is really a wino who doesn`t mind putting on a silly outfit to earn a few bucks. And he`s not happy to see you, that`s a bottle of Thunderbird in his pants.

*Dr. Phil isn`t really a doctor, he`s just a bald-headed jerk who owes his career to Oprah Winfrey.

*Professional wrestling is as phony as a $3 bill, and the wrestlers didn`t build those Supersized muscles by taking vitamins and drinking plenty of milk.

*The Easter Bunny is really a pedophile who like hanging around little kids.

*That photograph of the Loch Ness monster that your Uncle Ernie took on his vacation? It`s really his rubber duckie photoshopped to look like the mythical creature.

*Remember that streetwalker you picked up in Vegas who told you that you were the best lover she`s ever had? Girlfriend was lying like a dog, she only wanted a tip.

*That money that you are counting on to buy a speed boat? That email isn`t from a CEO of a Nigerian bank, it`s from a 17-year-old scammer, hence the hundreds of spelling errors.

*You are so proud of your wife because she`s been working out for hours after work every day. Hate to break the news to you bro, but she hasn`t been working out at the gym but at the Cozy Arms Motel.