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Published:September 30th, 2008 17:32 EST
Don't Expect Every Kernel of Popcorn to Pop

Don't Expect Every Kernel of Popcorn to Pop

By Robert Paul Reyes

Steve Kaplan was watching "Superbad" and munching on popcorn when he bit into an unpopped kernel and broke a tooth. He sued the theatre owner for his dental bills.

First mistake: Watching a movie that received uniformly awful reviews, and that`s titled "Superbad".

Second mistake: Buying overpriced movie theatre popcorn that`s saturated with a yellow substance that resembles industrial waste more than it does butter.

Third mistake: Scavenging the bottom of the barrel for the last few kernels of popcorn. Almost all of the unpopped kernels fall to the bottom, if the fool wasn`t munching on the dregs he wouldn`t have damaged his tooth.

Fourth mistake: Filing a frivolous lawsuit. Listen idiot, sh** happens.

"Kaplan sued the theater to recover $1,250 for dental repairs. But Manhattan Civil Court Judge Matthew Cooper ruled that Kaplan could not reasonably expect every kernel to be popped."

Associated Press

Every popcorn kernel doesn`t pop, every lottery ticket isn`t a winner, and every lady doesn`t fall for our clever pickup line.

Moral of the story: Take the good with the bad. Don`t sweat the small stuff.