October 11th, 2008 14:19 EST
Grab a Clothes Pin(s) and Do Your Patriotic Duty!
Satire By John W. Lillpop
Looking for a good, safe stock to sink your dollars into? If so, "google" clothes pin manufacturing and get ready to make a bundle.
A boom in clothes pin sales is guaranteed, as millions of Republicans, conservatives and other reasonable Americans are forced to decide between a socialist government headed by John McCain or a Marxist regime organized by Barack Obama.
Attaching a clothes pin or two to one`s nose is the only way to vote for John McCain without losing one`s last meal and claim to innocence in the seclusion of a voting booth.
My election waterloo came Wednesday afternoon when my absentee November 4 ballot arrived.
In elections subsequent to 1992 and before 2004, my first act was to immediately flip to the presidential ticket choices and fill in the box next to the Republican.
Until 2004, voting a straight Republican ticket was the moral, spiritual, and patriotic thing to do.
Regrettably, George W. Bush and John McCain changed all that, and have made the R option more and more painful to execute.
So painful that this year I chose to ponder local and state issues before deciding the presidential question.
Therefore, Wednesday evening was spent in deep thought about these issues:
Shall I knowingly authorize Santa Clara county to issue $84,000,000 in bonds and raise my property taxes to pay for said bonds?
My vote: No, and hell no!
Shall I vote to stop agribusiness tycoons from cramming farm animals into cages so small that the animals cannot even turn around or stretch their limbs?
My Vote: California`s so-called leaders just passed a budget, three months late, and now realize that the new budget is already billions of dollars in the red.
And I am supposed to worry about whether or not some damn chicken headed to the slaughterhouse is a victim of "animal cruelty"? Get real!
On and on, and on it goes. There are 12 state propositions to decide, and a like number of local proposals, most of which are designed to rip off the good people of Santa Clara County even more.
Having decided the fate of Santa Clara County and the State of California, I am eventually forced to confront the presidential question.
Of course, voting for Barack Obama is simply out of the question. The man is far too liberal and inexperienced. He is not what America needs at this time.
Despite the utter nonsense being preached by mainstream media, deciding not to vote for Obama does not make me a wild-eyed racist.
Rather, it makes me a concerned American who doubts that Obama has the ability, background, or motivation to do what is best for America.
Which is exactly the way I felt about George W. Bush in 2004 when I declined to vote for Dubya. The last time I checked, W was as white as new fallen snow.
So where is the racism? To be blunt, it is in the hearts of millions of African- Americans who will vote for Obama only because of his skin pigment.
In any event, deciding against voting for Obama buys me a few minutes, but ultimately I must answer the really big question:
Can I, in good conscience, vote for John McCain, despite his staunchly liberal position on so many vital issues?
An angel from heaven gently whispers the answer in two words: Sarah Palin!
Despite all of his negatives, John McCain did select Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate.
Unlike her boss, Governor Palin is a real conservative who really believes. She is also an energetic fireball who could stuff Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid back into their liberal boxes without so much as breaking a sweat.
Governor Palin is the antidote to unbridled liberalism, and is much needed until a cure for that dreadful mental disorder is discovered.
Besides, McCain is 72 years old and, statistically speaking, there is a better than even chance that Vice President Palin would ascend to the Oval Office as a result of decisions made by Mother Nature.
That does it! It`s Palin-McCain in 2008.
God Bless America, Sarah Palin and old what`s his name!