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Published:November 5th, 2008 14:59 EST
Dear President-elect Obama

Dear President-elect Obama

By John Lillpop

Dear President-elect Obama:

Congratulations on your victory! President Bush was exactly right when he congratulated you and said that November 4 was an "awesome night."

Of course, to some 9/11 was as well, but let`s not dwell needlessly on the past.

Back to your success: Who would have imagined that a person of color with only $750 million to spend, all of the mainstream media acting as your personal PR agency, and ACORN workers registering squirrels on your behalf would be able to accomplish this great deed?

It is truly a miracle that one would expect only from a Messiah or other deity, but we know that you are not so blessed and are in fact mortal, right?

The fact that neither you nor Jesus Christ were ever issued a valid birth certificate is sheer coincidence, right?

Mr. President-elect, is it OK if I call you Hussein?

By the way did you know that 96.9 percent of all people named Hussein are Islamofascists? An interesting tidbit, but probably just another coincidence?

Hussein, I want to let you know that your handling of Aunti, the illegal alien from Kenya was perfect! Your insistence that all laws be properly executed was most admirable.

Is Aunti going to be deported before or after the inaugural?

Given the fact that she has lived in public housing for nearly four years after being ordered by a court to leave the country, it would make sense to deport her as soon as possible.

Kudos also for returning Aunti`s donation to your campaign!

Where do you suppose she came up with that $265.00 to send to a beloved nephew who raised $150 million dollars in September alone?

Hussein, I know that one of your campaign "promises" was to enact amnesty for the 38 million illegal aliens here from Mexico and points south. And I know that you hate to break campaign promises, your commitment to public campaign financing comes to mind.

However, in keeping with your insistence that all applicable laws be enforced with respect to Aunti, would it not make better sense to deport, rather than legalize, the illegal aliens from Mexico?

Now that the election is over, they have done their part to get you elected, and should be asked politely, but firmly, to go home.

Adios hombres, is the correct Spanish term, I believe, although my Spanish is not what it should be according to liberals.

Incidentally, what plans do you have to nudge Hispanics toward English? We could save billions of taxpayer dollars by not printing ballots and other documents in Spanish.

Another area in which you showed real leadership is ACORN, the institution of community organizers that registers voters for the Democrat party. As you know, ACORN has been accused of voter fraud; some offices have been raided and shut down.

Knowing your past close affiliation with ACORN, I was delighted to learn that you actually called for a special prosecutor to be appointed to investigate the group.

With any luck, the special prosecutor will have a final report issued near the end of your second term, probably sometime late in 2016.

Again, I assume that your recent $800,000 check to ACORN is yet another pesky coincidence, of no real concern with respect to the November 4 election?

From an administrative point of view it might help if you asked the special prosecutor to investigate the kerfuffel concerning your birth certificate at the same time as the ACORN inquiry, and demand that a final report be issued no later than June, 2010, well in advance of the mid-term elections.

Just a couple of additional items, Hussein: I suppose you heard about the "Black Only" policy that Black Panther members were trying to impose in Philadelphia on election day?
Can we assume that you will address this behavior in an appropriate and timely fashion? Perhaps as part of the State of the Union address?

Finally, I know that the media, both international and domestic, are calling your victory a "landslide" with some even suggesting that conservatism is a dead ideology.

With all due respect, sir, I would point out that John McCain did manage to squeeze out 56,000,000 votes, which is ten million more than President Clinton ever managed.

The point being that, yes, your win was impressive but 55 million people voted for the other guy and gal!

One last item: I have cousins living in rural Pennsylvania who are affectionately known in some circles (read John Murtha) as red necks. All have guns and Bibles and other dangerous objects in their homes.

Anyhow, the cousins sent the attacked picture and would be most grateful for your autograph.

Cousin Willie,in the middle, asked if you would kindly autograph his protruding belly--we told him that you could write your entire inauguration speech on that flab, but we know that you are pressed for time.

Once again, best wishes on your new job and White House in that mostly black neighborhood in D.C.

Depending on the results of that investigation by the Special Prosecutor, I may consider voting for you in 2010.

Until Then,

John Kakistos Lillpop