December 5th, 2008 15:15 EST
Top 10 Christmas Presents That Guys Hate
I almost never wear a suit and tie and yet I have tons of ties, almost all of them presents from friends, acquaintances and family members too lazy and too unimaginative to buy me a real present. A tie is a default present fit only for loathsome creatures that you can`t stand.
I know two sisters who as a joke have been exchanging the same fruitcake as a Christmas present for six years. If there`s a nuclear Armageddon the only thing that will survive are cockroaches and fruitcakes.
I don`t want a singing frog, bear, dog, etc. Frogs are ugly and slimy creatures, and I don`t enjoy hearing the real ones croak. I certainly don`t want a toy frog serenading me with a godawful rendition of Jingle Bells.
Real men only wear cologne when they are courting a lady or for weddings and other special occasions. We don`t enjoy splashing on cologne, don`t buy us a present we will only use twice a year. I still have a bottle of cologne that I got as a Christmas present ten years ago, and I`m sure it will last me for the rest of my life.
ANYTHING THAT`S KNITTED
I don`t want a knitted scarf, sweater or underpants. Don`t give me any handmade presents; I prefer something manufactured like an iPod or a laptop.
A POWER DRILL OR ANY OTHER TOOL
This is a manly gift that most guys would love to fool around with, but don`t be fooled. Buy your own tools, because if your wife or girlfriend buys you a tool she will expect you to perform all kinds of home improvement projects.
TICKETS TO THE OPERA OR BALLET
If your loved one presents you with tickets to the opera, you are pussycat whipped. This is proof positive that she considers you a measly wimp.
I have two pair of socks a black pair and a white pair, and that`s all any guy needs.
Ridiculous and uncomfortable apparel of underwear are for women and not men, that`s a basic law of nature.
A HANDMADE CHRISTMAS CARD
"Oh honey I couldn`t find anything good enough for you, I took the time to make this card to show how much I love you"
Bullfeathers, she hates you. Kind sentiments are for fools and women, guys love material things.