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Published:December 29th, 2008 09:08 EST
Are You Mindless Enough to Be a Liberal?

Are You Mindless Enough to Be a Liberal?

By John Lillpop

With a new Congress and leftist president due to assume power in a matter of weeks, many otherwise rational and patriotic Americans are undecided between suicide and becoming a liberal. Such people should consider the inconsistency and irrational thinking needed to embrace the liberal agenda:

* Execution of a convicted killer is cruel, unusual & barbaric; whereas a woman`s right to abort the life of an innocent child is inalienable.

* Starving an innocent victim like Terri Schaivo to death is acceptable; using lethal injection to end the life of a brutal killer is not.

* Burning Old Glory is acceptable free speech, whereas conservatives like Rush Limbaugh routinely engage in unacceptable hate speech. 

* Skyrocketing gasoline prices devastate working American families, but protecting wild animals and obscure organisms is a greater priority.

* Large profits are obscenely un-American, except when enjoyed by George Soros, Oprah Winfrey, Hollywood stars,the Clintons, the Kennedys, and other liberals.

* Conservatives working to preserve American culture are bigoted hate mongers, but the "cultural heritage" of new immigrants must be protected and celebrated at all costs.

* Discrimination based on race or gender is wrong. Except when it is waged against Caucasian men, in which case it is mandated by law & called Affirmative Action.

* Invading a foreign nation is wrong, except when illegal aliens from Mexico invade America.

* Those who believe English should be the official American language are "racist," whereas Hispanics who prefer Spanish to English are perfectly justified because "diversity is our greatest strength."

* The earning power of American citizens is in sharp decline; still, the U.S. should grant amnesty to millions of illegal aliens who will work for lower wages and without benefits.

* Blocking the sale of port security to UAE was necessary to protect homeland security, but securing the border with Mexico would scapegoat Hispanics.

* Illegal aliens should be licensed to drive-- to avoid breaking the law by driving illegally.

* Freedom of speech must never be repressed, except when hurtful to any constituency of the Democrat party, in which case it becomes hate speech.

* Tax cuts are wrong when money is returned to people who actually paid taxes, but perfectly fine when sent to those who paid none.

* All symbols of Christianity must be quashed so as to offend no one, whereas all things Islamic must be heavily promoted in the name of religious awareness, diversity, & tolerance.

* Businesses are oppressive, fascist institutions and must not be allowed to become too large. On the other hand, government when run by Democrats, creates wealth & happiness and should be expanded as much as possible.

* Military force must never be used, except when needed to advance interests not vital to the United States, or to obscure a Democrat president`s s*xual misconduct in the Oval Office. Think about it-- Are you mindless enough to be a liberal? Or do you wish to borrow my handgun?