Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:June 27th, 2009 16:37 EST
Cheetos Brawl In Shelbyville Makes News All Over The World

Cheetos Brawl In Shelbyville Makes News All Over The World

By Robert Paul Reyes


"A local couple arrested on domestic assault charges Sunday had an unusual choice of alleged weaponry -- Cheetos.

Warrants filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff`s Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.

According to Roddy`s report, the pair became involved in a verbal altercation with each other at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault.

`There was evidence of the assault,` the report read, `however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined.`"

Shelbyville, Tennessee must be as quaint as Mayberry if a Cheetos brawl makes the news. Even in my small town in Virginia a brawl isn`t going to make the newspapers unless a knife or at least brass knuckles is involved.

They must have some real hicks working in the Bedford County Sheriff`s Department, the official report says that Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault. Cheetos are cheese curls and not potato chips!

The report also reads says that "there was evidence of the assault". I guess Taylor and Childers had orange smudges on their faces -- evidence of their epic Cheetos brawl.

The deputy`s report doesn`t indicate if angry couple hurled crunchy or puffy Cheetos at each other. I prefer the crunchy Cheetos, puffy Cheetos are as light and airy as cotton candy. If you threw a puffy Cheetos it wouldn`t travel more than a foot before falling to the ground. You can be sure that the Cpl. Roddy has a bag of crunchy Cheetos in his evidence bag. The bag will most likely be empty, if there were any Cheetos left I`m sure the cop ate the irresistible morsels.

I don`t want to ridicule the good folks of Shelbyville, the world would be a much better place if all of us settled our differences by hurling Cheetos.