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Published:July 11th, 2009 18:13 EST
It's Summer: Time For Montauk Monster Mania

It's Summer: Time For Montauk Monster Mania

By Robert Paul Reyes


"Son of the Montauk Monster was dragged from the sea by Alexis Kipper and her mother at Egypt Beach in East Hampton on Tuesday. Is it possible the thing was on a mission to attack the Maidstone Club?

No injuries were reported, most likely because this monster, bigger than the one found putrescent on the beach in front of the Surf Side Restaurant in Montauk last year, was also deader than a smelt."

Last summer the original Montauk Monster became an Internet sensation, images of the putrefying blob of flesh were circulated faster than pics of Britney Spears sans underwear.

Just when we thought it was safe to skinny-dip in the waters of Montauk, Alexis and her mother find the skeletal remains of the Son of the Montauk Monster.

Young Alexis and her dear mother are made of much braver stuff than I am. Had I seen the Son of the Montauk Monster I would have made the sign of the cross, checked to see if I had wet my drawers, and got the hell out of there.

If the rotten remains of these monsters cause so much panic, can Montauk and America survive the appearance of a living Montauk Monster?

I don`t think so! If one of these monsters ever swims ashore I fear for Western Civilization.

I don`t know if the Montauk Monster and his unholy offspring are cousins of the New Jersey Devil or Bigfoot, but I know they aren`t any kin of human beings. Dear readers let`s pray that we will never witness a Montauk Monster walking on the beach.