Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:November 20th, 2009 12:47 EST
Nobody Loves A Clown

Nobody Loves A Clown

By Robert Paul Reyes


"Nobody trusts a clown. Not the New York City cops. Not the jury that decided the cops used just the right amount of force when they arrested one. Alexander Alhovsky sued the police because of the rough treatment he felt he got during his 2006 arrest.

Alhovsky, a professional clown, left a package in a Manhattan Starbucks that was riddled with tubes and wires. Police determined it was harmless but decided to watch the store. When Alhovsky came in the next day with a similar device, police took him down. Police called the item a `suspicious device`, but really it was just a balloon inflator." Read More

Reading a newspaper or browsing the news online is very depressing; rarely do we read an article that makes us feel better. But this story about a clown who was manhandled by the cops, and insulted by a jury will bring tears of joy to everyone.

Alhovsky has the audacity to call himself a professional clown. That`s an oxymoron, there is nothing remotely professional about someone who dresses like a fool and performs stupid stunts in a desperate bid for cheap laughs.

The cops were all over Alhovsky, like white on rice, when he walked into a Starbucks holding a balloon inflator. If Alhovsky had been a teacher, mechanic, landscaper, scientist or even a lawyer, the jury would have awarded him millions of dollars. But clowns are universally despised, and if anything the police officers should have received a commendation for showing remarkable restraint.

If a clown has the audacity to walk into a Starbucks with a balloon inflator while I`m enjoying a cup of Joe, he`s going to walk out of there bowlegged. You can guess why. Hint: The balloon inflator is going to be found where the sun don`t shine.

I served on a jury where we found the defendant guilty of first degree murder; it was very satisfying putting a killer behind bars. But I bet it wasn`t quit as thrilling as serving on the jury that put that clown in his place.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: