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Published:July 10th, 2010 12:37 EST

Islamic Edict In UAE Condemns Vuvuzelas

By Robert Paul Reyes


"An Islamic edict in the United Arab Emirates has decreed that vuvuzela trumpets that blare above 100 decibels are religiously forbidden, a local daily reported on Friday.

vuvuzela"If they are loud enough to damage hearing, vuvuzelas are haram," or forbidden, The National newspaper quoted the General Authority of Islamic Affairs and Endowments as saying in a fatwa, or religious edict." AFP

In the past few years there have been several controversial fatwas by Muslim clerics. A couple of years ago a fatwa was issued condemning to death Western cartoonists for depicting Mohammad. Most of us remember when the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini issued a fatwa calling on all good Muslims to kill Salman Rushdie for writing the "blasphemous" Satanic Verses.

This is the first fatwa by a Muslim cleric that I enthusiastically endorse. The vuvuzela is clearly an invention of Satan, whose sole purpose it is to drive human beings insane.

There should be an ecumenical harmonic convergence, and all the major faiths should condemn vuvuzelas. The Pope could announce an edict that blowing a vuvuzela is a mortal sin, and the Dalai Lama could declare that anyone who owns a vuvuzela will be be reincarnated as a cockroach.

For those of us who don`t belong to any organized religion Britney Spears could be paid to make a public service announcement saying that vuvuzelas are so uncool.

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