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Published:August 20th, 2010 18:32 EST
Morning Comedy Break

Morning Comedy Break

By Ron G Anselm

Ever wonder where some of the people that are act like comedians but really are not a comedian get their talent for being funny? I wonder too. I don`t think it`s the funny part or even that they are even funny enough to call themselves a comedian but rather they are just born little slower than others.

Here`s one that didn`t take too much thought for this guy to put his foot in his mouth!

In Belgium, a criminal that was suspected of robbing a Jewelry store told police he could not have done it (robbed the Jewelry store) because he was breaking into a local school at the time of the Jewelry store robbery. Whoops! Was I not thinking when I said that? Darn, I think I will take my left foot and insert it in my mouth!

The police arrested him for breaking into the school instead.

Here`s another one where a very intelligent Veterinarian tried to convince one of his local farmers that the local farmer`s cow was passing very flatulent gas. To convince the farmer and to prove his point he decided to ignite the cow`s gas as it blew another bomb from behind but as with all flammable substances especially gas (in all forms) the cow became a instant flame thrower " and took off like a horse out of the Kentucky Derby`s starting gate. As the four-legged flame thrower ran like a chicken in a coop, the cow set everything on fire in its path including all of the farmer`s bales of hay. The farmer lost a ton of money (not to say a flame thrower cow)

The Veterinarian was fined about $240 USD for the brilliant display. Next time, maybe keep a garden hose or fire extinguisher nearby if you are going to light a cow`s butt on fire!

This next one really has no comment for it; I mean what do you say to this:

 A man decided to earn a little extra cash on the side and go to one of the local Bank of America`s in downtown San Francisco. He decided to use a deposit slip from the bank and write on the back of it, this iz a stickup. Put all your muny in this bag " (www., 2010) As this very smart man stood in line to hand the Teller his very smart written note, he began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note and they might just call the police.

 With that thought, he decided to leave the Bank of America and head across the street to the local Wells Fargo bank. After he stood in line for a few minutes again waiting to hand the Teller his very smart written note, he finally reached the next available Teller and handed her the note. After the Teller read the note from this genius of a criminal (or a criminal wanabe) she could tell (not hard to do) that this guy may not be the smartest apple in the bunch. She decided to tell this guy that since the note was written on a Bank of America deposit slip she could not honor it since he was trying to rob a Wells Fargo that he would have to either fill out a Well Fargo withdrawal slip or he would have to go back to Bank of America across the street.

The wanabe robber feeling very dejected nodded his head and understood. He decided to go back over to Bank of America and stand in line again to wait to once again hand the Teller his smart written note and once again try to rob the Bank of America.

A few minutes later, police arrested this genius still standing in line at Bank of America. Wow, this guy may have to go back to first grade summer school to learn how to spell! And it looks like when they were passing our brains he thought they said trains and he missed his! Enough said "

This next one is a classic A Clunk of a Problem

An auto mechanic came in early one morning and went over to check what customers had dropped of their cars in the Early Bird drop off box for work to be done on them or to be fixed. He pulled out one note that read Check for clunking sound when going around corners (www., 2010) Being a good mechanic, he decided to take the car out for a test drive to see what this clunking problem might just be. He drove the car and made a right turn, with the turn and sure enough a clunk sound. He immediately made a left turn and once again and sure enough another clunk sound.

Thinking that there might just be a serious problem with the car he decided to return to the shop. Since the clunk sound was yes indeed coming from the trunk of the car he did the common sense thing and opened up the trunk. He did very well discover the problem right away with not too much thinking involved.

He returned the service order to the Service Manager after the problem was fixed with the notation Removed bowling ball from trunk "

Oh, darn! I couldn`t find my bowling ball last night! But thanks to me taking my car into the local mechanics shop, I would have never found it! Those guys at the shop are just so fabulous! And they also fixed my car! All at the same time!

This Next Genius is one that I would love to do business with I could get rich and make money every time he robbed me!

A man walked into one of the local 7-eleven`s in New Jersey and laid a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. As the store`s clerk opened the cash drawer the man pulled a gun and demanded the clerk hand over all the cash in the drawer in which the clerk did with no hesitation.

The man took the cash from the clerk and bailed the scene leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash taken and that was in the drawer was $15. Wow, what a deal, 7-eleven made a $5.00 profit and never even had to sell this Einstein anything!

Here`s an idea, maybe this guy should contact all the local convenience stores in the area first before he goes to rob them, you know kind of give them heads-up he is coming and going to rob them. And knowing this, have all the convenience stores put only $5.00 dollars in each cash drawer while the genius robber continues to lay a $20 bill on the counter of each one. Have the clerk have the cash drawer ready at each convenience store, the genius robber would not even have to demand the money in the cash drawer just have the clerk wait for the guy to leave the $20 bill on the counter and then hand him the cash drawer with the $5.00 in it " heck, no words even have to be exchanged just come in lay the $20.00 on the counter, grab the cash drawer and head to the next convenience store to do the same transaction all over again. What a way to make a profit!

Here`s Another Wanabe Bank Robber Classic!

A man walked into a local bank in North Dakota and handed the Teller a note stating he was robbing the bank. The Teller being frightened handed the man a certain undisclosed amount of cash and watched the man run out the door thinking he was clear and free and had just got away with robbing a bank, wow! What an accomplishment.

The police were called and searched the local area turning up nothing. As the police reviewed the piece of paper the note was written on they promptly went to the man`s house and arrested him for bank robbery. Ya see, what this genius did was write the note on one of his own deposit slips with his account number on it, wow good thinking!

Here are some really whacky (or should I say stupid) 911 Calls:

- A dispatcher at the local 911 emergency line received a call from a couple at a hotel. It seems the couple was going to share a room and did not have enough towels. Uh, that`s why they have a little thing called room service for? "

- A man decided to reach out to some long, lost family over in Switzerland and called 911 to help him connect the phone call. Maybe next time, try pushing the little zero button on the phone that says operator under it? "

-Another genius called 911 to report he had the hiccups. Try holding your breath for thirty-seconds and leave your fat finger off the telephones 911 buttons! "

-A thirteen year old boy called 911 to report he had some funny looking stuff coming out of his naval. When the paramedics got there all they found was belly-button lint. From now on this kid won`t forget to wrap his wash cloth while taking a shower around his index finger and scrub the little area called a belly-button! "

-A man decided to call all the local police stations to have the local police call all the gas stations in and around the Interstate 95 corridor to see which ones were open.  Here`s an idea, try your cell phone and call them Yourself! "

-A man who just broke up with his girlfriend called 911 to have the police go by his ex-girlfriend`s house and report any cars that may be sitting in her driveway other than her car. Yep, I`m sure the police really jumped on this one! "

Another genius called 911 to ask when the Cinco de Mayo celebration was. This guy was obviously not Spanish! Also, now I don`t speak Spanish but if I am correct doesn`t Cinco de Mayo mean, the 5th of May? Come on Dude, use more than .00001 percent of your brain! "

- Here`s a good one, this winner called 911 to order a pizza " He was or had to be drunk or maybe just had the marijuana munchies because someone this stupid would have to be very mentally impaired! "

And now the Grand Finale of them all!

- A person called 911 to find out the telephone number to the local police This one takes the cake! "

I guess without these comical moments from some people life would be without comedy and get boring very fast!


Funny Humor, Retrieved 2010.