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Published:April 27th, 2010 22:04 EST
Top 9 Reasons Not To Shoot Up A School

Top 9 Reasons Not To Shoot Up A School

By R.J. Smith


It`s just not nice

As the good Jewish folks would say, It is just not kosher. "  Whatever can be done to a person that would drive them to such a crime is not even close to the evil they themselves have perpetrated.  It also goes against general good manners and proper etiquette.  Mr. Rogers would definitely not approve. 

It has been done before

Three times in the past week and a half to be exact.  There was a time when a stunt like this would guarantee that your name would be remembered, in however bad a way, but that time is long past.  Nowadays you are lucky to even get your picture in the paper.

No one cares if your mommy didn`t hug you enough

Or if you were picked on, or if your life sucks, or if your dick won`t get hard because some little girl laughed at you back in grade school.  Everyone on this planet has issues.  It is called learning to move on with your life, look up the definition, write it down, and remember it.

Teachers don`t get combat pay

They don`t get paid much at all.  Also, one day one of these sick sh*ts that like to pick up a gun and run amuck in a school might just run into the wrong educator and get dealt with.  My old English teacher was an ex-marine who could rip your face off with a simple look.  We can only hope "

Bill Gates got picked on in high school too

It didn`t seem to affect him much, though the billions probably take most of the sting away.  The point here is it is not the fault of the people who messed with you that your life sucks.  Plenty of people who did not get picked on are probably worse off.  Case in point: Mel Gibson.  We love you, Mel!

No one shot up your school

Return the favor.  It is just good form.  Why give someone else a reason to go sh*t nuts one day because some crazy memory of an old school shooting all of a sudden comes up out of nowhere?  Stop the madness, kill a rabbit instead.    

Rotten bastards convene during sessions of congress, not high school English classes

High school kids may not be the biggest gentlemen in the world, but they certainly aren`t rotten bastards.  Not yet, they have to grow up first.  Let them grow up.  In the meantime, how about aiming at guys who maybe deserve it a little more?  Bin Laden still hasn`t been caught "

Prove your manhood; shoot up an armory instead

It takes exactly zero balls to shoot up a bunch of innocent girls.  Why not have a go at someone who can shoot back?  This is America, you should have no problem finding someone with a gun who would absolutely love to have a shootout with you.  There is a guy in every town that is just itching for a gunfight.  Show up on his property and piss on his lawn.    

Life really isn`t that bad

Things could always be worse and will most likely always get better as well.  Only a total asshole takes out his own personal problems on the rest of the world.  So, you may be feeling bad this week.  Smoke a joint for Christ sakes and leave the schools alone.   


This article is dedicated to everyone who has ever been a victim of a school shooting because someone else was just too weak to deal with their lives and had to go out and be a dumb sh*t.