March 16th, 2009 11:56 EST
How to Raise a Rebel Son: What not to overlook...
Many parents stress beyond recognition when trying to keep our sons on the right track. As I wrote in my book, "Raising a Rebel Son", we try to teach them the ways they should go, only to observe them doing the complete opposite. This is because the teenage years of a boy is the most confusing years of his life. His body undergoes significant changes only tricking him into believing that he is invincible and supernatural. How else can we explain it? They believe they are too old to teach, but we know they are too young to know. Know what? Life!
As soon as they grow taller than their moms, they get a false sense of belief that they are intellectually taller than her too. Thus, driving a large majority of mothers into mental submission and close to the point of giving up on guiding him, especially if he is overwhelmingly rebellious. Here are three areas you must ensure you do not overlook:
1. His Behavior " Parents often make the huge mistake of dismissing rebellious behavior (as a phase of maturing) if their son is an "A" student. I know. My parents did it. This helped to land me in the hands of the police 5 times by the time I was 17 years of age. This is a grave oversight, seeing that students can fail to graduate high school for many non-academic reasons. Don`t only place a heavy emphasis on his grades and then hope that he will outgrow his poor social acts. You are the eyes and ears down the road that he is traveling on. Ensure he socially stays on track.
2. His Friends " We commonly hear parents say, "My son is following the wrong crowd". Well, they can`t all be following the wrong crowd. Sometimes the wrong crowd is actually your son! Pay close attention to his friends and determine whether your son is actually the Indian or the Chief, the follower or the leader. You may be amazed at the outcome.
3. His Parents " Yes, us. Our children are largely a product of their environment. We cannot encourage them towards good behavior while they watch us practice bad behavior. Jack Canfield, The Self-Esteem Expert said, "The average child hears 432 negative statements per day versus only 32 positive statements per day We cannot push the idea of non-violence on them, and head to school to threaten bodily harm on his teacher(s). That is a confusing message to send. If he is a teenager, he already has enough confusion to deal with. Our sons will never "buy-in" to compliant behavior if we don`t illustrate its benefits to them on a daily basis.
These three areas of parenting are often overlooked. A number of our young boys fail at life because of what we fail to do. They also fail at life due to the only choices they think they have. Criminals spend their time, money and effort corrupting our young boys; we must spend the same time, money and effort correcting them. In order to successfully turn a defiant boy into a compliant one, we must be certain they understand all of their options. Then, do our part by making all necessary resources available to them. We are the source and they are our product. Getting them on the right track will prove to be one of the most stress-free investments you will ever make in your life!