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Published:June 25th, 2006 04:39 EST
Honey, it's not what you think

Honey, it's not what you think

By Krzys Wasilewski

What all men and some women always dreamed of has finally become true. In the Internet world, where nobody can be somebody, cyber sex offers affection-thirsty people a great way to fulfill their fantasies without the risk of dismissal, pain, or disease infection. Cyber sex: easy and safe sex? It may look like a perfect thing for stressed people.

 In the Internet, anonymity is one of its pillars, giving a sense of safety for everyone, regardless of age, race, or appearance. Cyber sex superbly exploits this advantage. With one wave of a magic wand (here one click of a mouse), a middle-aged tubby truck driver can turn into a long legged young blonde-haired person. Unless the person from the other side of the computer screen is a police officer or a gifted computer geek, there are no ways to track one's identity. Unlike in phone sex, where one has to speak - that is to expose part of oneself - all that matters in cyber sex are androgynous written words. In addition, there is always this blood-and-thunder thrill of doing it with a complete stranger, often from the other end of the world.

But is cyber sex about doing anything? To quote Wikipedia: “Cyber sex is a form of role-playing in which the participants pretend they are having actual sexual intercourse, by describing their actions and responding to their chat partners in a mostly written form designed to stimulate their own sexual feelings and fantasies.” In other words, two (or more) persons involved in an online affair, probably far away from each other, write about naughty things they would like to do. They may send each other pictures (hopefully true ones) or even exchange videos. It is more like a modern diary or blog, with this exception that instead of hiding a diary under bed, we allow others to read it. What is more, according to some psychologists, “cyber sex is a great and harmless way for shy people to gain confidence in real relationships.” For most users, however, cyber sex plays a role of porn of the 21st century. Blue movie enthusiasts are fed up with the same scenes repeated for a hundredth time. Like other fellow-internauts, also these ones belong to the impatient generation who would like to have everything as quick and as easy as possible. Naturally, they turn to cyber sex, which, without needless questions, offers them an artificial substitute of intimacy so longed for by busy and beleaguered people.

Advanced cyber lovers will certainly welcome web cams and microphones. Modern technology has gone so far that even hundreds of thousands of miles do not seem to be a discouraging length. Watching a partner on your computer screen and hearing him/her talking to you makes any distance more bearable and develop passion in any cyber encounter. In addition, all these great boons for free. The only bill one has to pay is for one's Internet provider, and, if one's wife or husband is not so enthusiastic about new technologies, a bill for a divorce lawyer.

What sounds like a joke ceased to be funny long time ago. According to, “half of all divorce petitions we processed are due to Internet adultery and cyber sex behavior.” The website also claims that the number of divorces will soar if England fails to win the World Cup, but danger of cyber sex should not be underestimated. Along with new ways of communication – Internet in particular – the way people look at adultery has become more conservative. Long are the days when a hired PI had to catch the cheater with his trousers around his ankles. Now, detective work is limited to simple searching through hard disks and finding the filthy phrases. Such proofs are widely accepted by courts and often have a decisive vote in the verdict. The expression: “Darling, is not what you think,” has gained a new meaning.

In the middle ages, one could have his hands chopped off for just a suggestive look or word. In the 21st century and its liberal attitude, medieval moralists must be turning in their graves. Cyber sex is yet another ambiguous novelty that has arrived with the Internet. It can be great fun as long as the both sides are fully aware of their actions. However, it can also lead - if not to a divorce - then certainly to a loss of trust. No e-mail or SMS will bring it back.