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Published:July 24th, 2006 04:35 EST
And that I will not leave you until I disconnect.

And that I will not leave you until I disconnect.

By Krzys Wasilewski

At last weddings don't have to be expensive, time-consuming and stressful. With no army of guests to feed and put up, with no overstretched bank accounts and looming bankruptcy, the ceremony may even be enjoyable. What few years ago appeared like an unrealistic dream, in the era of the Internet has materialized. Welcome to online weddings – the latest service available on the net.

Whether you are young or old, poor or rich, use modem or cable – is the place for you. To get married there you don't have to fill dozens of papers, spend weeks on boring and tiresome preparations and sweat for hours in tight tuxedo or puff-ball meringue wedding dress. To get married there, you just need to type your name and e-mail address. Additionally, to make the ceremony more memorable, you can paste your pictures. And of course you need a partner – however advanced the technology, even online weddings require two persons. But the good news is that as long as your fiancée has the access to the Internet, it does not matter whether he or she is right next to you or hundreds of thousands of miles away. When the mutual agreement has been reached, the couple only needs to choose the wedding type (moder or polar) and the wedding song (Wedding March or Wedding Song) and the online pastor will willingly bless their relationship.

“Do you take her as your lawfully wedded wife?” the profound question appears accompanied by the tender sounds of romantic melodies. The options are two: yes or no. There is no way back, unless you decide to disconnect and switch off the computer. If you click yes and – what is probably more important – if your beloved partner shares your wedding fever – the online pastor “by the power invested in me” will pronounce you wife and husband. As a memento of this special day, newlyweds receive stylish wedding certificates which they can copy into their hard disks. Should you have any doubts, cheer up! As soon as the ceremony is over the disclaimer informs you that “the virtual wedding is purely amusement and in no way real,” and “ does not have the power to make your marriage or divorce binding, real or legal.” With this heartwarming assurance the couple may, untroubled by anything, set off for cyber honeymoon, traveling through the immeasurable world of the Internet.

But no honeymoon lasts forever and even the sweetest nights must give up to the bitter taste of a daily routine. If you feel that being married doesn't suit you, there is no need to worry. In fact, getting divorce is as easy as getting married and boils down to filling a short form. Type your e-mail address and wait for the other half to reply. One simple click and you are a free person again! Naturally, like with the wedding ceremony, also this time you receive certificates confirming that you are really divorced. And so on: there are no time limits so you can marry and divorce to your heart's content, as many times a day as you like. And if you believe in superiority of polygamy over monogamy, the website offers you an inimitable occasion to finally make your wild dreams come true.

“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day,” said Mikey Rooney. Had he had the chance to visit, he might have changed his mind. With light speed marriages and even faster divorces, any time of day is good enough to celebrate either the new life as a newlywed or the new life as a fresh divorcee. And what with the old fashioned phrase about “never leave you until I die”? Well, like most things on the Internet – it has run out of date.