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Published:September 17th, 2006 04:48 EST
Manhood of Chihuahuas Taken by Rich Women

Manhood of Chihuahuas Taken by Rich Women

By Kirwin Watson


Several-month-old pup, Skippy, was a happy Bichon frise. Sure, he was a tad dainty and not tougher than his other brethren at the local kennel, but he had his pride.

That is until 24 year old Suzy Homemaker suddenly got a hold to her new plaything. Now, as if being a fluffy dog wasn`t bad enough, Skippy is a perfumed dandy and the laughing-stock of his neighborhood.

All across the world a pandemic has stricken our fine canine friends. They are being turned into metro-Barbie dogs at unprecedented rates. Typically I`m not one to decry a person`s freedom of expression, but the time does arise when we should stick up for those with less power and ability.

An alarming trend has occurred as stores worldwide are carrying a new line of Puppypurses " along with the old standard Dolce and Gabbana handbags. If you go to a strip mall you may see one Paris Hilton, or her clone army, slinking about with pet kinkajous in these things.

For a nominal price of $50-$70, stores are offering people a chance to buy these modern day laughing gallows for animals. What`s worse are these new-age Blofelds are offered convenient, light-weight " bags that have over 20 fabric styles to choose from.

Now I`ve bore witness to many great travesties in my day; the great California fires, Cruise`s antics, and watching a friend nearly drown in a deep pool of cow dung. All pale in comparison to exhibit A on the right. Truly, what is the moral character of a person who decides it`s alright to stuff a puppy into a modern version of the 90`s hip-bag?

Take a good look at the picture. If you gaze deeply into the small dog`s eyes you can see the beady, distant stare that comes with unreasonable levels of humiliation and abuse. Much as a man stuck at an Ashlee Simpson, Kevin Federline, and Milli Vanilli sing-a-thon, the puppy yearns to escape and be free.

But alas, it can`t.

The device the woman has affixed to the dog seems to be strangling it, leaving the defenseless animal to die a slow and painful death at the gallows that would make William Wallace himself grimace and say Mercy. "

It`s time we start to stick up for dogs. There must be a mandate for potential dog owners worldwide; stop ransacking a dog`s integrity and monkey-stomping it`s pride. No, dogs do not want to wear pink-N-fluffy house slippers and it`s doubtful they enjoy hair bows, tutus, and cotton candy perfumes.

We must point out and ridicule people who insist on using these new doggy purses or dress their pooches in Mr. Roger`s style cardigans. Dogs are neither a bag item nor a kindly yet somewhat eerie old-man on a PBS kids show. Dogs are living beings. They have emotions and sense of self-awareness.